Child Unattended

Spike & Ike 2012

Rectal intrusion diverted

Do you sometimes feel that someone, somewhere, always has their finger up your 'boo-tay' and is attempting to control your every move like a finger puppet?

(FYI, drawing that little hand image there was quite an enjoyable task in MS PowerPoint.  Give it a try sometime, but be forewarned that if you are not so artistically inclined, lock the gun up before starting...)

This delightful day consisted of a series of unfortunate decisions made by those who like to think of themselves as people in 'control' of our business operations.  Between those ludicrous decisions also occurred a gamut of other imbecilic situations such as a team building exercise gone wrong, a testosterone filled 'my thing is bigger than your thing' fight, and a bra strap mishap.  The typical day.... in other words....

So back to the finger prodding....

The people attempting to explore my end-trails are HR, Accounting, and Operation Support.  Between those three groups and all their rules inflicted upon us innocent employees, this company could no doubt serve as the next world renowned rectal 'We'll do you deep and right' clinic. They want you to use a certain format for an open text field (why make it open text if its so controlled??), they want 4 approvals for a trip claim when you got approval to go on the stinking trip before you purchased the ticket,  and they want to assume what people like with the hopes that they are themselves 'in touch' with employee needs rather than just ask them what they like, and the list goes on and on.

What did I do to resolve the problems?   In a nutshell I told my boss he needed to say 'do it' to them so they would ignore their regulations (just this once....), I told HR that I will wash my hands clean of my volunteer work to pick up their slack until they start putting the employees as their true priority, and the rest I decided to separate myself from to let them feel the pain of self reliance.

In the end... when they started to insert the pointer finger, they were met by something too tight to breach.

On the other events....A puma fixed my twisted bra strap....and the testosterone spat dude got out with only a broken collar bone and losing his job.  I suppose that's a win, win, win for him (crazy men folk .... : )

"Could you write a note for my wife to say that my head it not up there?" ~ Rectal exam patient's request to doctor

Zombie Attack

Spike-n-Ike 2012 - Zombie Attack

Mosquito Boxing

My husband is the Rocky Balboa of mosquito boxing.....I am so proud!

:)

Let me explain.

He was with a group of 15~ 16 people sitting on the floor having a little chat, snacks, and  all that hoop-la when *BOOM* he punches into the air out of nowhere. If I was there and had seen him, I might have questioned his sanity, or at the very least considered wearing a hockey mask to bed.... but I was not there so was spared that thought. His fellow floor compatriots however did witness the oddity and thus looked to him in bewilderment and to each other in search of some reason why in the world this seemingly sane dude would punch fast and hard into the air above himself.

After watching their faces with a short, yet enjoyably fiendish thrill he divulged a clue to his spontaneous boxing move.  "Look there. Do you see what is there on the floor?" he says while pointing to a corner of the mat just in front of his foot. 

They roused their butts off the floor and looked toward the spot where he was pointing.  There, mostly still with an occasional twitch on the mat was a knocked out mosquito, punched in the pricker by my husband to its unlikely (and undesired) end. 

[*ding, ding, ding* goes the bell....]

Shocked and amazed, the men each grow into full 32 tooth broad smiles and begin to laugh hysterically.  Even the older quiet and serious man among them, who has lived his whole life being sucked milliliter by milliliter by these annoying creatures, feels that FINALLY justice has been paid to the mosquito kind for their atrocities. The old guy lets out a great chuckle at the wriggling insect's demise and gives a few claps for my victorious boxer bou's bravery.

Congrats babes, you made the world a safer place yet again. 

Next up, try some Tai Quan Do on that spider in the corner.... HOI YA!

You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!  - Mickey from Rockey (1976)

Work / Life Balance

The big fat butt elephant in this scenario is employers who limit worker freedoms.  The little mice (employees) are just trying to balance their work and home life, but no matter how hard they try they can't balance out with the hairy pachyderm who demands 10 hours worth of work within an 8 hour period.

Today my wonderful employer stated that no company property can be used for personal purposes, specifically no company computers can be used for personal social media site viewing, no email, no news reading, no bank account checking, no weather radar watching.... NOTHING... INCLUDING DURING LUNCH HOURS.  The only thing those suckers did allow was the use of personal smart phones during lunch hour to do whatever you like.  My immediate reaction.... INSANE.

For literalists such as myself (when being one is a benefit to me of course) I then question what employees are to do when they have brought there lunch in and want to eat it at their desk?  We have 60 short minutes to scarf down the food, check our personal email, check our bank accounts, see if there is any news of the world that we should know, check on the stocks (if you choose to run that gauntlet), and decide which of the GOP nominees you wish to despise for the week.  Now how many of these activities requires the use of a computer.... hmmm.... 5/6 (well, can say 4/6 if you want to decide on the nominee based on whoever the favorite is of your office biznatch).

If I am so kind as to impliment this 'rule' upon myself at work, then what will I do with those 50 minutes that remain after eating my lunch?  I will proceed to do only what is reasonable.... think of ways to work around the rule!  I'll have to either 1) Upgrade my phone to a darn expensive smart phone 2) Bring my personal laptop to work to do my checking there, or (worst case) 3) Write all my posts in a Word doc and post them online once I get home. 

Of course it needs not be mentioned that I will no longer answer calls from co-workers at home or after I have clocked out and will not stay passed my scheduled hours like I had been before, sometimes by 2 or 3 hours.  This is, of course, an important part of their reason for creating this rule... to gain 'Work Life Balance'...

Fine.... I'll balance it... you asked for it!

To put it bluntly, I seem to have a whole superstructure with no foundation. But I'm working on the foundation. - Marilyn Monroe