Worry Wench

Had a bad day yesterday due to lack of sleep.  Normally, I can function pretty well on about 6 hours  with only a few minor mood swings which I perceive as being tolerable by others, but when the sleep is reduced to 4 hours.... WATCH OUT WORLD...PISSED WOMAN APPROACHING!

Reason for deprivation? I woke up at 4:15 naturally and fully intended to go back to sleep (until the time when my alarm would inform me of the impending doom of a new workday) but instead my brain decided to hijack my peace.  The dominant thought... "Did I screw up the budget yesterday?"

In the room where I am 'cubed' at work there are a few people who generally come to me for advice for voucher claims and for budget transfers from month to month and expense code to expense code.  Generally I am all good about helping them out of their predicaments and it is rather eazy-peezy.  But this time, due to the jet lag (although I will deny that I am affected by it as badly as others are) and trying to get my brain out of vacation mode, I was in the midst of a 4:00 AM worryfest concerning if I had royally screwed up budget requests for 2 people due to an overseen technicality.

I would tell myself, "Its fine, you can reverse what you did yesterday and make it all better today when you go in.  Just call accounting and have them fix it IF there is a problem with the budget month." 

Then the 'Worry Wench" residing in the evil depths of my cranium would respond with "Oh no, you weren't careful enough yesterday and they can't reverse the problem because the system is strict.  You just lost $3,000 budget."

I return again to address the wench "Regardless of if you are right or not, I can't do anything about it at 4 in the morning!"

She would then smartly reply "True, you can't do anything now, but imagine every detail of the crap you have to go through explaining to those people you helped... who TRUSTED you to advise them....that you screwed it all up for them!"

I thus lay there in a stressed out stoop imagining the pending doom at work IF IF IF there is a problem that I wasn't able to foresee.  Two hours pass by and no sleep, just closed eyes and a noticeably dismal facial expression imprinted on my face to add that much more joy to the day.

BEEP BEEP BEEP.... the alarm goes off....

Slugging to get ready and go to work, arrival and immediate 8AM call to accounting to confirm that NO, there is no problem and the budget requests done yesterday were all correctly done.

Great to hear.   Now the only thing I get out of my lack of sleep is a crappy attitude and a hope that my coworkers don't wring my neck for being short tempered with them over the next 8 hours.

Better believe I slept like a dead woman that night ... after pigging out on a grilled cheese sandwich and chocolate ice cream.


I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know? ~Ernest Hemingway

Anyone, Anytime

Anything can happen at any time to anyone.  Read that again...

ANYTHING.... can happen at   ANYTIME... to ANYONE.

Let it sink in your mind and heart... Anyone (including you).

Today a coworker of mine called and said he would be out for the rest of day day as his wife and children were in a side impact car accident.  They were making a left turn at a green light and a car impacted them from the opposite lane.  The children were crying, everyone's backs and necks were hurting, the wife shaken and worried for her family and feeling guilty for she was behind the wheel.  Husband in shock as his family could have been no more....

The person driving the other vehicle did not stop, but rather sped away to escape the scene of the accident.  In an act of mercy and heroism, the car behind the one struck chased after the perpetrator at full speed with the intent to stop him or at least get the license plate information.  The perpetrator never stopped, but partial tag information was retrieved.  The police showed up, documented everything, and the family returned home to rest and contemplate seeking medical review.

It happened to her.  It happened to him.  It happened to his neighbor. It happened to her brother.  It happened to his uncle.  It happened to her daughter.  Things happen that harm or kill someone every day and it is only a matter of time until something... SOMETHING... will happen to you or to the ones who are dear to you.  It is absolutely unavoidable that harm will befall you at some point in your life.  In preparation for the inevitable, one should do the following:

1) Follow and ACT upon the inclinations of the heart and spirit
2) Maintain the best relations with your family and friends
3) Turn any grudges into acts of kindness
4) Ask for forgiveness from those whom you have wronged
5) Tell the ones you love that you love and are thankful for them
6) Do your best efforts always so you have no regrets
7) Be there for those in need so you are cared for when in need
8) Have your will updated yearly

The point I am trying to make is to not try to PREVENT a harm from befalling you (it will happen anyway), but to advise you to be sure you are LIVING a life that at its end you are content and pleased with how you utilized it.

My best wishes and kindest thoughts go out to the families of those who are struggling.

On no soul does God place a burden greater than it can bear. ~God


PS: I had a dream in the early morning about being in a car accident.  It was with someone I worked with. I need to heed my dreams more often...
  

Grieving

Grieve.  Its a hard thing to do, but we all inevitably have to go through it at least once in our lives, if not multiple times.  When you lose someone who has been in your life and added joy to it, you can feel as though your world is on 'pause' and seem to not be able to find the play button.  After all, their life has come to a full stop, so the least you may do is pause in respect or in remembrance of them.

Grief can also be felt when you lose not only a person or pet, but when you have lost hope, an opportunity, or a dream.  The more of yourself that you have put into these hopes, the more intense the grief and the longer the recovery may be from the loss. There is no standard length for the healing process to complete.  Some pass through it in a few days, and others can take years or never seem to get free from the clings of the sorrow felt in that difficult loss.  Others, who may have been so vested in the person/dream, may not be willing to face the truth of the matter and will not experience any other emotion but denial.  These can stay in a state of 'limbo' and as a result could be afflicted with physical ailments as the body attempts to balance the emotional trauma hidden within.

Typically there are five feelings experienced when one is grieving:
- Denial: "This can't be happening"
- Anger: "Why did this happen, this is not fair!"
- Bargaining: "If I do that now, can I get it back?"
- Depression: "I don't feel like doing anything, just let me sleep."
- Acceptance: "I am at peace with it now."

These feelings may occur in order, out of order, or some may not be felt at all.  If someone you care for has experienced a loss, understand that they will have their own unique journey in healing from it and your role is to simply 'be there' for them.  If they want to talk about it, listen with an open heart.  If they are silent about it, show your empathy through some basic actions like bringing warm food for dinner or by sending flowers.  Never under any circumstances should you criticize their grieving or tell them to 'get over' any feeling, as this can prolong the grieving process or be perceived as lack of sympathy.

I sincerely hope that no one reading this will have a reason to grieve in the near future. However, when you do, I wish for you to eventually have the feeling of thankfulness for the joy experienced with those whom you have lost, the ability to accept that part of the appreciation of life is in the recognition of death,  and that you may ultimately use this time to grow and become a stronger, yet humble, individual.

"To Spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness. ~Erich Fromm


(This post dedicated to Bubba...we will miss you Boo)

Happiness is not found in the End

Now don't think I am going to get depressing or negative on this topic, its not the case.  I want to highlight, however, the truth about happiness in the many forms in which we feel it and what we can do to obtain a constant happiness and contentment with our lives.

The majority of us are happy in one situation alone: When we get what we want.  What that thing is that we want is quite diverse though, and highly individual. A child may want a spotted pony, a boy may want a mega toy truck, a girl may want a pretty doll, a teen may want a girlfriend, a student may want perfect test results, a woman may want silky hair, and a man may want a raise.  The selfless of us may want no material thing for themselves, but rather to provide others with their needs and thus obtaining indirect material gratification through being the provider. Regardless of what we want, when that want is met it also never fails to fade as our source of happiness.

Why?  Because as human beings our desires are constant and increasing.  In our ancestors' ancient world,  needs were focused on things that we take for granted today, such as the availability of water and food, shelter from the weather, and finding a mate that is capable of producing progeny.  Their needs were met, on occasion, and thus they felt happiness until the food ran out or until that progeny overruns the clan and ousts the boss (his father)... In modern days our needs have largely progressed past focus on basic needs and grown into a desire to surpass each other in extravagance obtained via financial excess (on appearance basis at least).  We no longer need anything as the government (usually) takes care of the basics, if we cannot provide it for ourselves, leaving us with the pleasant task of setting extraordinary goals that we have deemed as necessary to achieve in order to obtain happiness.

But what if (heaven forbid) we aren't able to accomplish our goals that we were aiming for?  Should we all go find the highest bridge and conveniently forget our bungee gear? Absolutely not.  What I would advise those who are unable to reach their previously set goal is to rewrite the goal as one not achieved through obtaining an end, but through striving on the journey. AKA "You never can fail unless you don't try."

This idea is not a unique one in any form, as it is present in religious strivings as well.  In Christianity the belief is that one obtains salvation through their striving for a solid belief, rather than through their accomplishments ("Not of works, lest any man should boast"). In Islam, a believer gains the reward of a Hafiz (someone who has memorized the whole Quran) even when they have not achieved the goal but only put forth genuine effort of learning it ("...And such a person exerts himself to learn the Quran by heart, and recites it with great difficulty, will have a double reward").  I am sure there are many other examples of a similar concept.

Lastly, as you are setting your either spoken or unspoken goals to achieve your personal state of happiness, please remember that if you want for nothing, you will be happy with everything.  Do not set your value as an individual based on something tangible that most certainly is fleeting.  Your journey would be most rewarding if it is focussed on your satisfaction in the process of striving for improvement, rather than in achieving a final and finite goal.

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." ~Epicurus (Greek Philosopher)

Mood Swings

Hello everyone, welcome to the crazy park!

Women are plagued by them, men suffer through them, and children run like hell from them.  Mama with a mood swing = painful buttock waiting to happen.  HOW can women deal with themselves, why are we moody vs being simple, sound minded, and rational human beings?  (Men, your solutions and opinions are not welcome on this topic...)

On AskMen.com there is an article stating that "Just like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, women are unpredictable.  That's all there is to it."  I tend to disagree with this statement.  The times in which women are moody is predictable based on their hormone levels during their monthly cycle, this is why they call it 'monthly' and thus IS predictable. However, I will agree that what weapons we choose to launch at you during our hormone battle is unpredictable, at which point everything, even what you said 5 years ago about my cooking, is up for grabs.

Men have adapted to our swings ladies, some better than others.  They give us allowance for a few more swats at them, a few more wise cracks about their genitalia, and maybe even say "Its my fault, I'm sorry, I won't do it again" to get that swing going back in the positive direction.  Other men who have less patience and experience may just conveniently work later during those days or go on long outdoor excursions to avoid any direct interaction with you.  You see, men are built with a survival mentality that allows them to maneuver around (lie, hide, run, buy gifts for...) the beast that we become so that they can, in the aftermath weeks, get from us what they need to survive. [What that need is should be obvious.]

So, what can we do about our situation my fellow femmes?  My suggestion is to follow the STERN method.  No, not Howard Stern, but rather my unique method of coping with these issues in a way that least hurts those around you and still benefits your overall emotional well being.  Here is the method laid out...

Shut Up - When you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.  Within your moody chasm you are unaware of the true pain you can cause and, no matter how hard you try, you will say something not-so-very nice.  Thus, the best way to avoid making any bad situation linger after the 5 days of hormonal chaos is to shut your mouth and leave any 'critical communication' to the form of body language or, if necessary, put a note on his pillow.  Don't forget your please and thank you's.

Take a walk - I don't mean the kick-butt power walk here, but an 'enjoy the scenery' walk in the neighborhood or park, miles away from your target.  If you get moving and change the scenery your mind will be able to free itself from the abyssal black hole of that swing and allow you to release the anger hounds.

Exercise - It is always a good thing to do, regardless of your hormonal levels, but in this case it is critical.  During exercise your body releases endorphins that create feelings of euphoria, reduces tension and anxiety, block pain, and reduce your appetite. So precisely when you feel like crud and are bloating like a balloon, kick yourself into a 30 minute (or longer) workout and you will come out of it feeling refreshed and relaxed.

Read - Take an hour or more to simply sit out on the balcony and read your favorite book.  If you remove your attention from the thing that is irritating you, then you will no doubt calm the nerves.  Just like men (and some women) lose themselves in the television in order to forget their stresses, we can lose ourselves in a great book and gain some benefit of literary education in the process.

Nurture - Pamper, Pamper, Pamper!  Do your nails, go to the hair dresser, get a massage, take a hot bath.  Do whatever it is that helps you to feel like a 'lady' and enjoy it to the fullest.  I would suggest setting a plan to enjoy one nurturing event a day to prolong the pleasure of hormonal neutrality.

So, there you go.  To any men who might be reading this, my apologies for the crazy person we become when we (and you) are going on the crazy ride. Women, let's try the STERN method for coping with what we are stuck with.  Maybe in the end we will be able to make it through this without massive injury just in time to battle menopause...

"The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change, for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up." ~Charles Morgan