Rectal intrusion diverted

Do you sometimes feel that someone, somewhere, always has their finger up your 'boo-tay' and is attempting to control your every move like a finger puppet?

(FYI, drawing that little hand image there was quite an enjoyable task in MS PowerPoint.  Give it a try sometime, but be forewarned that if you are not so artistically inclined, lock the gun up before starting...)

This delightful day consisted of a series of unfortunate decisions made by those who like to think of themselves as people in 'control' of our business operations.  Between those ludicrous decisions also occurred a gamut of other imbecilic situations such as a team building exercise gone wrong, a testosterone filled 'my thing is bigger than your thing' fight, and a bra strap mishap.  The typical day.... in other words....

So back to the finger prodding....

The people attempting to explore my end-trails are HR, Accounting, and Operation Support.  Between those three groups and all their rules inflicted upon us innocent employees, this company could no doubt serve as the next world renowned rectal 'We'll do you deep and right' clinic. They want you to use a certain format for an open text field (why make it open text if its so controlled??), they want 4 approvals for a trip claim when you got approval to go on the stinking trip before you purchased the ticket,  and they want to assume what people like with the hopes that they are themselves 'in touch' with employee needs rather than just ask them what they like, and the list goes on and on.

What did I do to resolve the problems?   In a nutshell I told my boss he needed to say 'do it' to them so they would ignore their regulations (just this once....), I told HR that I will wash my hands clean of my volunteer work to pick up their slack until they start putting the employees as their true priority, and the rest I decided to separate myself from to let them feel the pain of self reliance.

In the end... when they started to insert the pointer finger, they were met by something too tight to breach.

On the other events....A puma fixed my twisted bra strap....and the testosterone spat dude got out with only a broken collar bone and losing his job.  I suppose that's a win, win, win for him (crazy men folk .... : )

"Could you write a note for my wife to say that my head it not up there?" ~ Rectal exam patient's request to doctor

Random Quotes

No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap.  ~Carrie Snow


Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.  ~Eric Fromm


I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.  ~Thomas Jefferson


The one good thing about not seeing you is that I can write you letters.  ~Svetlana Alliluyeva


One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.  ~Lady Astor


Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.  ~Mac McCleary


Smile.  Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends?  Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over.  ~Walter Anderson


Age is an issue of mind over matter.  If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.  ~Mark Twain


You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have, for instance.  ~Franklin P. Jones


I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.  ~Flash Rosenberg


If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.  ~Earl Wilson


People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say.  ~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Blended Days

Ever been off work for 5 days, stayed at home for at least half of the days, followed by the loss of a sense of time?  This is happening to me now...

Since the power went off last Wednesday and is still off at my workplace today (Tuesday), I have not been required to go to work.  This means that I am going on day 6 of being 'free' of distinct time obligations of any kind.  What to do with so much freedom?  

One, is that you get to know your neighbors lives probably a bit more than they wish you did.  I now know the guy on the second floor, 3rd apartment, is trying to forget his ex by visiting as many girls in town as he can or is enabled to.  The other guy on the second floor, 1st apartment, is a retired marine and drinks about 10 cans of beer a day and says the same amount of curse words as he did when he was in the Marine core.  His buddy, who works at the chicken processing plant comes over and they do 'man gossip' for hours and hours of the day. The couple on the third floor, 2nd apartment fight about anything and everything and their kid has to witness it all and surely will be mentally damaged by it by the time she grows up.  The woman in that relationship is really close to the ex of the guy who is a man slut that I mentioned earlier, too.  The women in the building are much more protective of their business as they stay inside much more (good choice ladies) and only come out to go get their hair 'did' at the parlor as they come out with their hair covered with a rag and come back shaped up.  

So is this what people do when they are off work for such a long time?  Be nosy with the neighbors lives and only find out what the day of the week is when they hear it mentioned in one of their conversations?   Now before you all think I am Ms. Nosy I only overheard these conversations because I like to keep my back door open and screen shut to get fresh air inside and also read on the balcony.  I can't help but overhear their conversations even if I pretend to be reading when they are talking.  If the ears had an 'off ' button I would press it.

This makes me think of the days when I would be home to take care of any children I might have.  I would be working on them, raising them, teaching them what they need to know...but I would obviously have to do a better job about keeping up with my days and adding structure of my own to make a clear division of time and add back that management of efforts that my job so clearly provides now.  

Its raining, I am caught up on housework, posted this article... what's next....

Tidbits 1

- The biggest tool for a robber is your fear. If you resist being fearful, you take away his success.

- Parents teach you how to avoid their mistakes.  You teach yourself how to avoid your own.

- Self doubt is the seed of weakness. Weakness is the seed of death.

- The will to live is more effective than the strongest medicine.

- If you never have want for anything, you will always find happiness with whatever comes.

- Obliterate  ignorance and you obliterate stupidity. Get started....

(Dedicated to my husband...)

Keeping Secrets

How many 'secrets' do you have locked inside your heart and mind at this present moment? 5,  30,  200, 1.3 Million....  If you are the norm its probably more than a few hundred.  Some secrets are fine to keep hidden, but others can be harmful to your peace of mind and even your health.

Secrets can fall into a few categories.  Habitual, Acceptable, Taboo, and Regretful.  Most of us will have at least a few of these if you have passed successfully through puberty and reached your 30s.  Let's uncover these secrets (at least hypothetically) and explore what you can do to allow yourself some relief from them.

Habitual Secrets - These are activities that you do on a regular basis, habitually, and nobody knows you are doing them.  Some examples could be taking the edge off by downing a shot of alcohol to START your day,  watching a segment of a porn every night before your spouse comes to bed so you can still appear to be turned on by them,  or binging and purging.  These are all habits that you have hidden from others for fear that you would appear weak or incapable of handling life's challenges.  Some can cause you great physical harm (don't drink a shot in the mornings, BAD) while others are emotionally harming in the long term. How to fix: If you have feelings that you want to keep secret due to assuming that other's expectations would not be met, you need to declare your freedom from their opinion.  You yourself are responsible for your own behaviors, good or bad. Your brother would not go to jail for a crime that you commit, so your brother's opinion shouldn't matter if you yourself feel something is right to do.

Acceptable Secrets - These are secrets that everyone has, things that everyone does, but it's unnecessary to discuss it.  Some examples might be your having the hots for and daydreaming about your professor, picking your nose while stuck in traffic, or lying to your spouse that you already took out the trash but really you'll do it as soon as she looks away.  How to fix: No need to fix these as long as they remain secrets and as long as they are not hurting anyone.

Taboo Secrets - Every culture has its own Taboos which don't apply across the board, so I will only address examples of Taboos in the 'Western' context. Examples of taboo secrets are being in a polygamous marriage, enjoying dressing in the opposite gender clothing, or animals being a turn on.  These kinds of activities are extremely taboo to a point where some laws have even made the activities illegal.  One who has a taboo secret would probably feel constantly alienated from those around him/her because of the scale of their secret.  How to fix: If your activity is not harmful to you or others, then I would encourage you to find at least one person to befriend who shares your passion or would at least not criticize your preferences.  It is important, as human beings, to feel like a member of a community for emotional health.  If you can't find someone then you may be able to find a community in another country that would not only practice the same activity, but celebrate it.

Regretful Secrets - These secrets are ones that you wish you had a magical 'undo' button for.  Examples of regretful secrets are things such as forgetting your baby in the car when going into a store, cheating on your spouse (even when things were going great), or stealing a piece of jewelry from your mother to pawn for beer.  These are things that no one (I would hope) would be happy for having done and of which you plan to never do again.  How to fix: This is a tough one to fix.  The only thing to be done to be free of the regretful secrets is to ask forgiveness from those whom you have wronged.  Depending on if you are a religious person or not, forgiveness may also be asked from God without you having to make your actions public.  Then, once you get it out of your conscious, express your remorse, and hopefully receive forgiveness from them, you can move on.

There is no better time to start than now.

FYI, if you like the little cartoon above, you can find some awesomely funny ones at http://www.nataliedee.com/ (SOOO love this cartoonist)