Outward Beauty - per men

Through experience and some web research, here is what I have determined to be the top 4 outward qualities that men admire most. By NO means am I saying that these are most important, however its not like its something we can or should ignore.  Anywho, here they are!

#1 - Hair

There is nothing that can beat a shiny, healthy head of hair.  It can be curly or straight, short or long, highlighted or natural, but regardless of the do that you drape your coif will grab the attention.  "The power is in the follicle!" Ok, maybe no 'power' is really involved, but your protein strands grab and keep the attention of many men.  Online sources say that 60% of a man's attention is on your hair and 75% of those will ignore your other 'flaws' if you have gorgeous flowing flocks.  So ladies… if you want attention, don’t skimp on the conditioning treatment… and if you don’t want  it then go for the bun, a hat, or the full on scarf (like the pretty lady in the foto... ).  But be forewarned... if you cover your hair under a hat, it might be even more of a temptation for the dude to see what you have hidden!  

#2 - Lips

Guys want to be funny, fun, and fascinating.  How do they know they have landed high on your score for them?  By looking at your SMILE and LAUGH shown on your LIPS!  So what gathers more attention to that source of good and evil (depending on what comes out of your smackers could cause one or the other)?  Lipstick.  Studies show that you get 6.7 seconds of attention if you are wearing pink lipstick and 7.3 seconds of attention if you are wearing red lipstick.  So how much attention do I get if I wear my purple or brown tones??? Study is lacking…..

#3 - Physical Fitness

We are not talking track star here, but at least having the ability to distinguish between flub and fantastic.  Some curves are good, but whether you have them naturally or not, is not as important as being healthy.  Why?  Because healthy = procreation = stability = longevity.  For the true and genuine relationship hunting man… these are the keys to success.  Ya, they say they want someone who is ‘hot’ but that phrase is just man-talk for healthy.

#4 - Good Hygiene

Imagine a woman who is fit as a fiddle, has flowing blonde hair, cute red lips…. And smells like a rotten fish carcass.  No matter if you have him all the money in the world, he is not going to want to get close to her because she is SMELL-E!!!  I almost wanted to put this item at the top of the list, but I would like to think that it is so rare to have a woman neglect her bodily stank that I positioned it at the bottom of my list.  To put it simply… wash your pits, brush your teeth, and mind your general ‘secretion’ levels to be sure you aren’t driving that perfect (80% perfect at least) man away from the paradise that is you.

Beauty is the bait which with delight allures man to enlarge his kind. - Socrates

'Old' is Relative

Pleasant old guy, isn't he.

We say "Yes, old man" to our fathers when they ask of us an action, even though they may be in their 40s or early 50s and not necessarily decrepit.  An 'old friend' might be a young girl barely having reached a spry 25 years.  A kindergarten child would call another boy who is of age 10 "old" and be shy with them because of their perceived abundance of knowledge gained in the additional 2 years experience on the playground.

Here is my hypothesis as to why these seemingly unclear understandings of 'old' occur...What we call 'Old' is relative only to what we are comparing them/it to as well as in the degradation of capability or quality that that thing/person can provide . Let's me explain...

Old (in the aged perspective) - The first image that comes to mind when I think of an 'old person' is a guy just like what is in the photo above.  Wrinkled, worn, gray, energy deprived.... having lived a life full of struggle and pressure, the worry lines having been deeply engraved into the spirit of his body. Another individual's mental image of a person who is old however may be a woman aged to 20 .. or 80 because they themselves are quite a lot younger or older than I . In a nutshell, the age of the individual who is being asked of their opinion will be the dictating factor for the age that they would term 'old'. (That was the simple part)

Old (in the capability or quality perspective) -  An item purchased (inanimate) will be termed 'old' after it is used for some time... based on the frequency of use or if it degrades on its own (biological). However in terms of human capability, a person at age 50/60/70 years can be equally functional compared to a human at the age of 30.  In addition, one who has lived many years probably has determined, through making his/her own mistakes, which errors to avoid.  This makes them able to complete a job better and with more skill than a younger person.  In this regard the subtly implied message of 'old'  being a negative attribute is quite incorrect.  "With age comes wisdom" as someone said, I completely agree with that and would like to tweak the line to "With age comes wisdom, patience, and peace".  

What lesson to learn from this?

If one is going to judge another person (which I advise against doing in the first place), do so based on the actions of that person, rather than upon their appearance.  The worth of an individual, in addition to their divinely inspired purpose, lies just as much in their POTENTIAL for positive action that could add quality to the human existence, as well as in what they have acted upon in the PAST.  This potential for good remains until an individual is lost(dies) AND IS FORGOTTEN...forgotten mentioned with emphasis because even after a person passes away, their impact may continue to be beneficial in the memory of others, writings left behind, and physical relics to be discovered.  It is only when a person's actions are forgotten, or impact on that which physically exists is no longer in use, that they can no longer provide benefit to a society. Nutshell: 'Old' is only bad when it can provide zero benefit.  Zero benefits is only reached when all that exists is gone. At that point... no one will care because no one will be here....

As the old men we still remember, the old women we still admire, and the old junk we still play with...be nice to the old!

Do not regret growing older.  It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown

Anyone, Anytime

Anything can happen at any time to anyone.  Read that again...

ANYTHING.... can happen at   ANYTIME... to ANYONE.

Let it sink in your mind and heart... Anyone (including you).

Today a coworker of mine called and said he would be out for the rest of day day as his wife and children were in a side impact car accident.  They were making a left turn at a green light and a car impacted them from the opposite lane.  The children were crying, everyone's backs and necks were hurting, the wife shaken and worried for her family and feeling guilty for she was behind the wheel.  Husband in shock as his family could have been no more....

The person driving the other vehicle did not stop, but rather sped away to escape the scene of the accident.  In an act of mercy and heroism, the car behind the one struck chased after the perpetrator at full speed with the intent to stop him or at least get the license plate information.  The perpetrator never stopped, but partial tag information was retrieved.  The police showed up, documented everything, and the family returned home to rest and contemplate seeking medical review.

It happened to her.  It happened to him.  It happened to his neighbor. It happened to her brother.  It happened to his uncle.  It happened to her daughter.  Things happen that harm or kill someone every day and it is only a matter of time until something... SOMETHING... will happen to you or to the ones who are dear to you.  It is absolutely unavoidable that harm will befall you at some point in your life.  In preparation for the inevitable, one should do the following:

1) Follow and ACT upon the inclinations of the heart and spirit
2) Maintain the best relations with your family and friends
3) Turn any grudges into acts of kindness
4) Ask for forgiveness from those whom you have wronged
5) Tell the ones you love that you love and are thankful for them
6) Do your best efforts always so you have no regrets
7) Be there for those in need so you are cared for when in need
8) Have your will updated yearly

The point I am trying to make is to not try to PREVENT a harm from befalling you (it will happen anyway), but to advise you to be sure you are LIVING a life that at its end you are content and pleased with how you utilized it.

My best wishes and kindest thoughts go out to the families of those who are struggling.

On no soul does God place a burden greater than it can bear. ~God


PS: I had a dream in the early morning about being in a car accident.  It was with someone I worked with. I need to heed my dreams more often...
  

For You OR For Them

Yawn....time to start the day.

What to wear today? There's a lot to choose from...pants, skirt, jeans, leggings, shorts...For the top.. 'Is it cool today?' nope.. short sleeves, sleeveless, tube top, tank???? How to choose?

So you pick out a tank top with a short sleeve cardigan and some jeans that make your butt look great, and some high heels with straps around the ankle.  Things to look forward to by the end of the day: Cold hands, pressure marks from the tight jeans on the hip, pain in the lower back, and 4 blisters located on various toes and ankles.

Why did you choose the collection of torture devices to wear on your body? Because you want THEM to think you look good/hot/attractive/feminine/sexy.  Women spend hours a day and thousands of dollars a year to attract men and battle other women in desirability.  What we have succeeded in by this effort is turning all women into joints/blunts. Yes, you heard me right.  We are tightly wrapped contraband that is passed around to every man in the area until we are reduced to a fraction of our original selves and tossed out as soon as we don't provide any further pleasure to men.

It has been ingrained into our ripe, innocent brains from the time we were born to be 'pretty' and that the 'no pain, no gain' route is the only way to live and succeed. Its turned out to be true too, this advice from mom and dad, that you have to be attractive to get ahead in this world... Shorter skirt = more pay. Sexy hair = powerful husband. Fit body = attractive boyfriend.  So WHERE in your decision making comes your own comfort?

Here is a second scenario... You wake up in the morning, slide on your favorite 5 year old baggy jeans and a t-shirt that you bought for $3, put your hair in a pony tail, and apply some lotion to your blemish free face (no makeup.. that's right...). DONE... Yup, that's it, simple and breathable day on its way... 'Order up'! We have these days now ladies.. when we are fending off a cold and no one is coming over to visit.  Those days we spend in our 'natural' condition of comfort and cleanliness, sighing in realization that there is no need to guard our derrière from a 'daring air' reveal.  So why don't we do this every day?

Answer: Men rule our closets because we let them.

It is in our DNA to be nurturing beings, caretakers, and mothers.  We want to see pleasant smiles on the faces of pleased men. When do men smile the most?  When they see a sexy figure.  We made ourselves 'hot' to get those smiles because unfortunately we have not demanded that they respect us for our hearts and minds wrapped comfortably inside a jump suit.

Challenge to Sisters!  I implore you to wear your size L shirts and jeans that don't show every nook and cranny of the 'grand canyon' and be comfortable for 7 days straight... only 7 days.  After your feet have healed, your face has cleared up, and you look years younger having been able sleep an extra 45 minutes per day...you will NEVER want to return to the old 'joint' that you were. Start today!

"If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself.  Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you." ~Fyodor Dostoyevski

Grieving

Grieve.  Its a hard thing to do, but we all inevitably have to go through it at least once in our lives, if not multiple times.  When you lose someone who has been in your life and added joy to it, you can feel as though your world is on 'pause' and seem to not be able to find the play button.  After all, their life has come to a full stop, so the least you may do is pause in respect or in remembrance of them.

Grief can also be felt when you lose not only a person or pet, but when you have lost hope, an opportunity, or a dream.  The more of yourself that you have put into these hopes, the more intense the grief and the longer the recovery may be from the loss. There is no standard length for the healing process to complete.  Some pass through it in a few days, and others can take years or never seem to get free from the clings of the sorrow felt in that difficult loss.  Others, who may have been so vested in the person/dream, may not be willing to face the truth of the matter and will not experience any other emotion but denial.  These can stay in a state of 'limbo' and as a result could be afflicted with physical ailments as the body attempts to balance the emotional trauma hidden within.

Typically there are five feelings experienced when one is grieving:
- Denial: "This can't be happening"
- Anger: "Why did this happen, this is not fair!"
- Bargaining: "If I do that now, can I get it back?"
- Depression: "I don't feel like doing anything, just let me sleep."
- Acceptance: "I am at peace with it now."

These feelings may occur in order, out of order, or some may not be felt at all.  If someone you care for has experienced a loss, understand that they will have their own unique journey in healing from it and your role is to simply 'be there' for them.  If they want to talk about it, listen with an open heart.  If they are silent about it, show your empathy through some basic actions like bringing warm food for dinner or by sending flowers.  Never under any circumstances should you criticize their grieving or tell them to 'get over' any feeling, as this can prolong the grieving process or be perceived as lack of sympathy.

I sincerely hope that no one reading this will have a reason to grieve in the near future. However, when you do, I wish for you to eventually have the feeling of thankfulness for the joy experienced with those whom you have lost, the ability to accept that part of the appreciation of life is in the recognition of death,  and that you may ultimately use this time to grow and become a stronger, yet humble, individual.

"To Spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness. ~Erich Fromm


(This post dedicated to Bubba...we will miss you Boo)

Manginas

On 'manginas' (Man+Vagina=Mangina). 

This word popped into my head this afternoon after listening to a book about the rise of feminism in America over the last few decades.  Men are becoming more and more like women, and women are becoming more and more like men.  Women becoming like men in responsibilities and intellect, all great.  Men becoming like women HOLD UP!  Don't do it, just don't!  Women do not want men acting like women at all.  Yes we want you to understand us, our moods, our desires, our irresistible urges to buy something that sparkles; but please don't become like us in any of those areas in the process of 'understanding' us.  This will turn you into a 'mangina'! 

Here are some of the tell tale signs that you are approaching the 'mangina' status:

- You get 'hurt' when someone says you look like you gained weight

- You spend any more than 5 minutes doing your hair in the morning

- You like to go shoe shopping

- You suggest to the woman you're on a date with to split the bill

- You won't take out the trash because its 'dirty'

- You are afraid of a bug (any type)

- You cry during ANY movie

Men, please.. if you do any of the above things than consider yourselves lucky to ever have been in a relationship with a woman.  Women, if you are in a relationship with a man who does any of the above things, check to be sure he doesn't wear your lingerie while you are away from home.  Highly likely he is prancing around in it and shaking his butt in the mirror.

"Because I'm Married"

We have all been there.. some guy wants to get your attention and he makes half a fool of himself trying to show off in front of you and oddly enough you think its cute or at least moderately flattering that he is trying.  One of these odd situation happened to me today, followed by an even stranger comment.  Here is how it played out...

I was at work, in an area where I don't usually frequent but where I am still known, and a man was helping me to take some needed photos.  He was helpful, and in some ways overly helpful to enable me to get what shots I needed.  The awkward moment happened when I moved to take an angled picture of one item and he commented "Why did you move away from me to take that picture?  Is moving nearer to me so bad?"  My response: "I moved this way because I would be standing on you otherwise".  He continued, "Well, you can't do that." I ask why... his response "Because we are both married and that would be a hard one to explain you standing on me wearing that skirt."

WTF....Since when did taking a photo and avoiding standing on someone's toes turn into an invitation to flirt?!?  The response also "Because we are both married" is the same as saying that if he or I were NOT married that something would BE OK about this situation?  I brushed it off with a slight smile, eyebrow raise, and a turn away to the next photo.

Men, here is a word of advice.  If you are going to flirt with someone at work whom you know is married then first decide 1) do you want to seem desperate for attention regardless of the repercussions, and 2) do you want to look like a fool having no restraint on your tongue or hormones.  If you answer Yes to either of these, proceed and you shall have your due consequences.  If you answered No to either of these then think twice about saying whatever tacky line that is creeping to the end of your tongue and instead keep your mouth shut.  A smile is sufficient, thanks.

The Phantom Touch

I am inclined to believe that it is not just one's brain that has a memory, but that other areas of your body can remember and voluntarily relive sensations as well. I say this because why otherwise do I still feel the 'Phantom Touch' of a hand placed at my waist as if his is there right now?  I am not actively trying to remember the feeling, have no intention to relive it, but the sensation remains.

Is there something in your body, your skin, that voluntarily remembers and relives sensual contact, and if so, why does it linger after some people's touch and not for others?

I recall an article that stated that your brain will record events in your long term memory that are either life threatening, shocking, or physically stressful. The scientists conducted a test to see if a person would better remember information if they were first told it while their hand was submerged in icy water. A control group was told the same information, but had their hands submerged in luke warm water.  In the end, the group that had their hands in icy water retained the information for far longer than the control group did.  This can certainly be understood as a survival mechanism (Self: fire = bad, don't forget), but how interesting is it that this long term memory could also applied to a pleasurable and emotionally linked event. Could a light touch from your loved one can be as important to survival and thus be stored just as long as something life threatening?

If any of you have ever been away from your loved ones for a long time, a spouse or significant other, maybe you will know what I am referring to.  Six months ago she touched your thigh, 4 days ago he held your waist, a year ago she ran her fingers across your neck, yesterday he kissed your hand.... and yet now you get the shivers as your skin itself chooses to relive the sensations.  The emotional uprising that that person excited out of you may linger on your skin for days, weeks, even years in your skin's 'memory'.  Alternatively, say a man bumps into you on the busy subway... you would just brush it off and may not even remember the feeling by the time you get to the office. Thus, I choose to apply the rationale that one will not store in memory a sensation derived from a person with no strong emotional value.  You will forget the sensation of the subway man's jolt, but retain your lover's hair gracing your fingertips.

I haven't done any true 'tests' to prove this hypothesis, but I can testify from personal experience that I can still feel the 'Phantom Touch' of those whom I care for as if they are touching me right now. Why the feeling comes and goes at seemingly its own 'will', I don't know. Maybe for me its a way of surviving the separation from them (survival mechanism?), or maybe its just my imagination gone wild, but either way it gives me a smile on my face and warmth in my heart to feel it.

Can you feel anyone's Phantom Touch?

Pawning the Past

What do you do when you have a lot of gold jewelry from your ex-husband and left over debt from that same ex-husband?  You sell the jewelry to a pawn shop to pay off the debt and hopefully not get swindled by the shop dealer.  Here are some tips for how to get rid of that memory-laden jewelry and keep your head above your debts...

1) Go through all jewelry that you have and for each piece determine if you have any future need for it or any healthy emotional attachment to it.  If any of the following does apply, don't try to sell it unless you are so bad off that you can't pay your bills.(If that's the case, then I need a totally new post for those issues). Do not sell a piece if: It reminds you of your grandmother, mother, sister or friend that you still have a special relationship with;  You have worn it sometime in the last year; You could gift it to a future daughter or niece on one of her birthdays; The value of that item is less than the cost of the fuel to go to the pawn shop ($10 bucks).

2)  When you decide what you want to sell, clean it up.  Even if that item is made of solid 22k gold or pure silver, a tarnished piece will not make an impact to the dealer. They see a dirty piece and see the work needed to clean it up, so they might reduce the price in their minds just for that reason.  If you try to sell a car, you clean it. If you try to sell jewelry, you clean it!

3) Check online for the price of gold, silver, and platinum.  For the most part, unless you have a major diamond or stone you are selling, the gold or platinum will give you the most return.  When you get the price, understand that the price is for PURE gold, not the 10K, 14K, 22K etc.  You will have to reduce the price based on the karat weight.  Go here for some guidelines on how to determine the reduced price per gram and some general information on selling precious metals.

4) Accept that what you paid for the jewelry is nowhere near what you will get for it from the shop.  Most retail jewelers will double, triple or quadruple the price of the pieces they are selling.  That means if you paid $200 for the piece at a Valentine's Day sale, they probably only paid about $50 for it themselves.  This means that the MAX you will get at the shop is the value of the piece ($50) assuming the value of the precious metal has not gone up or down in price.  The shop keeper also will want to make some return on the item too, so that might bump it down to around a $30 or $40 offer if you keep a good straight face in the dealing.

5) Go to the shop with a dollar amount already in your head for what you want to sell it for.  Do this rationally, keeping in mind #3 and #4.  If the cost of the gold is $1,200, try to get $700 for it and you will have made a decent deal considering you are working with a pawn shop.

6) If they ask you how much you want for it, DO NOT tell them a selling price before they offer.  Ask them to make an offer first and then see how different that is from your thoughts on what you wanted out of the sale.  If they say a number higher than your thought (lucky you) keep a straight face and offer $100 higher than what they offered.  They may stand firm or may meet halfway.  Go with your gut.  If they offer you LESS than what you had in mind you need to tell them that you did your research and know the value of the items based on the price of (metal) and that they have to do better than that.  Give them the quote of $100 more than you desired return and hopefully they will be willing to meet you at a number closer to your desired amount.  

7) Don't be afraid to walk out.  They do these kinds of negotiations all day long and are not intimidated by you at all.  If you look desperate, they will try to take your goods for less money.  If you show them that you don't care if they buy it from you or not, then they might work better with you.  If you don't get a good feeling about the deal, then walk away... they might just call you back and agree to your asking price.

In the end, the best thing that comes out of a sale like this is that you get to get rid of some emotional clutter and make money in the process.  No more visual cues of an ex-relationship in front of you and some money in your pocket or applied to debt.  Nothing beats fast cash and getting one step farther from that ex-pain-in-the-@$$.