Anyone, Anytime

Anything can happen at any time to anyone.  Read that again...

ANYTHING.... can happen at   ANYTIME... to ANYONE.

Let it sink in your mind and heart... Anyone (including you).

Today a coworker of mine called and said he would be out for the rest of day day as his wife and children were in a side impact car accident.  They were making a left turn at a green light and a car impacted them from the opposite lane.  The children were crying, everyone's backs and necks were hurting, the wife shaken and worried for her family and feeling guilty for she was behind the wheel.  Husband in shock as his family could have been no more....

The person driving the other vehicle did not stop, but rather sped away to escape the scene of the accident.  In an act of mercy and heroism, the car behind the one struck chased after the perpetrator at full speed with the intent to stop him or at least get the license plate information.  The perpetrator never stopped, but partial tag information was retrieved.  The police showed up, documented everything, and the family returned home to rest and contemplate seeking medical review.

It happened to her.  It happened to him.  It happened to his neighbor. It happened to her brother.  It happened to his uncle.  It happened to her daughter.  Things happen that harm or kill someone every day and it is only a matter of time until something... SOMETHING... will happen to you or to the ones who are dear to you.  It is absolutely unavoidable that harm will befall you at some point in your life.  In preparation for the inevitable, one should do the following:

1) Follow and ACT upon the inclinations of the heart and spirit
2) Maintain the best relations with your family and friends
3) Turn any grudges into acts of kindness
4) Ask for forgiveness from those whom you have wronged
5) Tell the ones you love that you love and are thankful for them
6) Do your best efforts always so you have no regrets
7) Be there for those in need so you are cared for when in need
8) Have your will updated yearly

The point I am trying to make is to not try to PREVENT a harm from befalling you (it will happen anyway), but to advise you to be sure you are LIVING a life that at its end you are content and pleased with how you utilized it.

My best wishes and kindest thoughts go out to the families of those who are struggling.

On no soul does God place a burden greater than it can bear. ~God


PS: I had a dream in the early morning about being in a car accident.  It was with someone I worked with. I need to heed my dreams more often...
  

Memorial Day

Should one say "Happy Memorial Day"?  'Happy' seems to be an inappropriate word intermingled with what is the American Memorial Day.  This day is a solemn one as we remember those who have died for the greater good of our country.

We have set aside the last Monday of every May to recognize the US Armed Service members who have died while on duty, at home or abroad.  We have been doing this since the American Civil War ended in 1865, when the union veterans wished to honor the Union soldiers who had died.  When World War I came about the honor was extended to honor all Americans who have fought and died while in service.

What do you do on Memorial Day as a family?  For us, we spend time together, cook out, enjoy each other and feel the freedom that we all have been given by those who have fought for it.  I have not lost a family member to a war, or in service, but my father served as a lieutenant in the Vietnam War and came home, injured, afterward (but alive though, Thank God).  I was not even a 'twinkle in the eye' of my father at that time, but if he had not come home alive, I would not be alive to tell you about this right now.

Society has also morphed this day into an excuse to show the other American sentiment of shopping.  Memorial Day, as a federal holiday, spurs store sales advertised weeks in advance and women and men plan to take an additional day off of work just to recoup from exhaustion following the frenzy.  Others have taken this opportunity to go to the beach and soak in the sun and bikini bodies as this time of year kicks off the summer fun.  The evenings then bring about parties and fireworks which light up the sky in brilliant reds, blues and golds.

I hope that, while we indulge in our rib roasts, celebratory toasts, bikini boasts, and shopping totes, we will remember that if it weren't for the men and women who were selfless enough to recognize the need for defense of this country and our freedoms (speech, religion, self expression, pursuit of happiness, etc), that we might not have had these joys today.  They put their lives on the line, and lost them, for our days to be lived with freedoms that few others can enjoy so fully. They are lost, but they are not forgotten.

Freedom is not Free

Grieving

Grieve.  Its a hard thing to do, but we all inevitably have to go through it at least once in our lives, if not multiple times.  When you lose someone who has been in your life and added joy to it, you can feel as though your world is on 'pause' and seem to not be able to find the play button.  After all, their life has come to a full stop, so the least you may do is pause in respect or in remembrance of them.

Grief can also be felt when you lose not only a person or pet, but when you have lost hope, an opportunity, or a dream.  The more of yourself that you have put into these hopes, the more intense the grief and the longer the recovery may be from the loss. There is no standard length for the healing process to complete.  Some pass through it in a few days, and others can take years or never seem to get free from the clings of the sorrow felt in that difficult loss.  Others, who may have been so vested in the person/dream, may not be willing to face the truth of the matter and will not experience any other emotion but denial.  These can stay in a state of 'limbo' and as a result could be afflicted with physical ailments as the body attempts to balance the emotional trauma hidden within.

Typically there are five feelings experienced when one is grieving:
- Denial: "This can't be happening"
- Anger: "Why did this happen, this is not fair!"
- Bargaining: "If I do that now, can I get it back?"
- Depression: "I don't feel like doing anything, just let me sleep."
- Acceptance: "I am at peace with it now."

These feelings may occur in order, out of order, or some may not be felt at all.  If someone you care for has experienced a loss, understand that they will have their own unique journey in healing from it and your role is to simply 'be there' for them.  If they want to talk about it, listen with an open heart.  If they are silent about it, show your empathy through some basic actions like bringing warm food for dinner or by sending flowers.  Never under any circumstances should you criticize their grieving or tell them to 'get over' any feeling, as this can prolong the grieving process or be perceived as lack of sympathy.

I sincerely hope that no one reading this will have a reason to grieve in the near future. However, when you do, I wish for you to eventually have the feeling of thankfulness for the joy experienced with those whom you have lost, the ability to accept that part of the appreciation of life is in the recognition of death,  and that you may ultimately use this time to grow and become a stronger, yet humble, individual.

"To Spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness. ~Erich Fromm


(This post dedicated to Bubba...we will miss you Boo)

It ain't nothin' but a baby thang!

Cute, right!  I know...so cute.  I am so in a baby mood since hearing that my best friend Layla had her first baby (its a girl) a couple days ago.  Little Kalista is ADORABLE and she has a great mamma too.

Were any of you scared when you had your first baby?  Layla said that she was nervous as all get out about the cost of a child and wants to do the 'simple' and 'cheap' way in raising her.  I bet if Kalista understood what that meant, she would be making the face on this little baby in the picture... What can you opt for to be cheap when raising a baby, is it possible, is it safe, is it practical?

The first thing most people think of when they think of baby expenses is the diapers.  They eat, they poop, they sleep, they pee, they cry, they toot.  For every 1 thing they do, they give you a #2 to go along with it :).  So maybe the cheap way to raise a baby is to use cloth diapers instead of the disposable ones.  Sounds great right, saving some money, but then you have to take into consideration the washing of the poopy diapers, the expense of the plastic pants to put over the cloth diapers, the extra cleaning supplies to wipe off furniture that got the spoils of the diaper put on wrong.  Does this add up to being cheaper than disposable dipeys?   Plus, what's the cost of the stinky work of you having to scrub some poop out of a piece of cloth?  I would say priceless, but I am a much more practical person to say such things...its about $0.23. :) Long run, yes, the cloth diapers are cheaper, but you need to be good with your safety pins, have plastic wrap on all your furniture, and restock your wardrobe with the latest in polyester/fake leather gear.

Ok, so the other major expenses that you probably don't need are the toys for newborns (they don't open their eyes much), the countless outfits that they will grow out of in 3 months, and all the decorations for a bed that she/he will try to escape from as soon as the biceps are built up.  You can probably do with about 2 toys for the first year and keep them occupied with the normal things in the house or outside on walks.  The outfits ... I would say 7 sets which are washed for every 6 months works too, otherwise wrap them in a blanket and call it a day.  The decorations.. go for long term and opt for the convertible crib/day/twin creation and the decor can be minimal with the exception of maybe some cute colored paint on the wall.  She won't remember what color or decoration choice you made when she is 5, so don't worry so much about it.

So, its possible.  Is it safe?  I would say so because the less toys and crud around the kids the less chance they have of hurting themselves on the stuff!  Have the necessities there and keep the rest clean.  This way you can enjoy baby in his/her pure form, work on the 1-on-1 bond, and when she knows how to say in words "buy that", then you can consider expansion.

Is it practical?  Yes, as long as you can withstand the comments from other Mamma's like "You don't have a Gucci diaper bag!  You are denying your baby's needs!" or "You know its absolutely a necessity to have 3 types of walkers, a swing, 2 play pens and bassinet to occupy your little darling".  When you hear these ridiculous comments try responding with, "I could do that, but I prefer to save for their college education." No one can argue with you after that one as we all know the prices of tuition are sky rocketing...

So, go cheap, go simple, and they won't remember a thing before the age of 5.  Good tip: For every 1 toy in, take 1 toy out.  Holidays can be a time of giving your belongings to charity as the new ones inevitably come in the door.  Some people aren't as blessed as you are, so spread the love!