Grieving

Grieve.  Its a hard thing to do, but we all inevitably have to go through it at least once in our lives, if not multiple times.  When you lose someone who has been in your life and added joy to it, you can feel as though your world is on 'pause' and seem to not be able to find the play button.  After all, their life has come to a full stop, so the least you may do is pause in respect or in remembrance of them.

Grief can also be felt when you lose not only a person or pet, but when you have lost hope, an opportunity, or a dream.  The more of yourself that you have put into these hopes, the more intense the grief and the longer the recovery may be from the loss. There is no standard length for the healing process to complete.  Some pass through it in a few days, and others can take years or never seem to get free from the clings of the sorrow felt in that difficult loss.  Others, who may have been so vested in the person/dream, may not be willing to face the truth of the matter and will not experience any other emotion but denial.  These can stay in a state of 'limbo' and as a result could be afflicted with physical ailments as the body attempts to balance the emotional trauma hidden within.

Typically there are five feelings experienced when one is grieving:
- Denial: "This can't be happening"
- Anger: "Why did this happen, this is not fair!"
- Bargaining: "If I do that now, can I get it back?"
- Depression: "I don't feel like doing anything, just let me sleep."
- Acceptance: "I am at peace with it now."

These feelings may occur in order, out of order, or some may not be felt at all.  If someone you care for has experienced a loss, understand that they will have their own unique journey in healing from it and your role is to simply 'be there' for them.  If they want to talk about it, listen with an open heart.  If they are silent about it, show your empathy through some basic actions like bringing warm food for dinner or by sending flowers.  Never under any circumstances should you criticize their grieving or tell them to 'get over' any feeling, as this can prolong the grieving process or be perceived as lack of sympathy.

I sincerely hope that no one reading this will have a reason to grieve in the near future. However, when you do, I wish for you to eventually have the feeling of thankfulness for the joy experienced with those whom you have lost, the ability to accept that part of the appreciation of life is in the recognition of death,  and that you may ultimately use this time to grow and become a stronger, yet humble, individual.

"To Spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness. ~Erich Fromm


(This post dedicated to Bubba...we will miss you Boo)

Three Subs don't equal One Genuine

When I was asked to take care of my mom's cats for a week while she was away, I was certainly happy to say 'yes' and prepared my two bedroom apartment for the two additional felines' arrival.  These are cats whom have been members of the family for over 14 years, so I felt that I would love to have them for this visit.  Seems after only this first day that my thoughts were mistaken...

A little summary of the first 10 hours went as follows: Maggie (whom I affectionately call 'Magit') spent 8 hours under my couch from the moment she arrived. The other, Bubba (whom I call 'Boobaloo') was in and out from under the couch for most of the day also and came out only to get a drink of water.  Boobaloo also felt the need to inspect the dining room table top, tried to inspect the kitchen counter top, and hissed under the door at my cat who I had to unfortunately confine to her own room for the duration of the week.  Magit came out eventually and tried to hop up on top of the bathroom counter, tried to trip me about 4 times when I was getting some watermelon from the fridge, and would not stop whopping her tail against my arm even when I was not touching her.  Both then executed a grand finale in the night of hissing at each other for 10 minutes followed by harassment to my hamster.

These less-than-amusing events left me with the realization that I have changed quite a bit on my view of owning pets.  When I was a bit younger, I felt that having animals was about the joy of the love and attention you could shower on them and the love and affection they show to you. I could deal with the cleaning up, the feeding, the vet bills, the hair, the meowing etc, because they were giving me love and giving me purpose.  Now however, I have a more mature understanding of my what my own priorities are, what I should spend my time doing to benefit my life, humans to have around whom I can direct love towards and feel loved by, and that I truly like to keep a REALLY clean house.

Cats thus (at least in multiple) have lost their spots as sources of fulfillment and have now passed onto the 'extra work' category.  I am certain that I would not choose to have more than one cat as a permanent pet while I still have my sanity and I give full permission to my friends and family to commit me to some institution for the mentally injured if I decide to have more than one.  Caring for pets is a great thing to do, don't get me wrong, but I think people who have buried themselves in multiple pets are actually just using the pets as a cover-up to their loneliness and filling the void of a lack of companionship from another human being.

Note to those whom are thinking of having multiple pets...If you stack them on top of each other to the height of an average human being, they still don't become a human being to help you to feel fulfilled.  Only a true human can help you with that.