'Old' is Relative

Pleasant old guy, isn't he.

We say "Yes, old man" to our fathers when they ask of us an action, even though they may be in their 40s or early 50s and not necessarily decrepit.  An 'old friend' might be a young girl barely having reached a spry 25 years.  A kindergarten child would call another boy who is of age 10 "old" and be shy with them because of their perceived abundance of knowledge gained in the additional 2 years experience on the playground.

Here is my hypothesis as to why these seemingly unclear understandings of 'old' occur...What we call 'Old' is relative only to what we are comparing them/it to as well as in the degradation of capability or quality that that thing/person can provide . Let's me explain...

Old (in the aged perspective) - The first image that comes to mind when I think of an 'old person' is a guy just like what is in the photo above.  Wrinkled, worn, gray, energy deprived.... having lived a life full of struggle and pressure, the worry lines having been deeply engraved into the spirit of his body. Another individual's mental image of a person who is old however may be a woman aged to 20 .. or 80 because they themselves are quite a lot younger or older than I . In a nutshell, the age of the individual who is being asked of their opinion will be the dictating factor for the age that they would term 'old'. (That was the simple part)

Old (in the capability or quality perspective) -  An item purchased (inanimate) will be termed 'old' after it is used for some time... based on the frequency of use or if it degrades on its own (biological). However in terms of human capability, a person at age 50/60/70 years can be equally functional compared to a human at the age of 30.  In addition, one who has lived many years probably has determined, through making his/her own mistakes, which errors to avoid.  This makes them able to complete a job better and with more skill than a younger person.  In this regard the subtly implied message of 'old'  being a negative attribute is quite incorrect.  "With age comes wisdom" as someone said, I completely agree with that and would like to tweak the line to "With age comes wisdom, patience, and peace".  

What lesson to learn from this?

If one is going to judge another person (which I advise against doing in the first place), do so based on the actions of that person, rather than upon their appearance.  The worth of an individual, in addition to their divinely inspired purpose, lies just as much in their POTENTIAL for positive action that could add quality to the human existence, as well as in what they have acted upon in the PAST.  This potential for good remains until an individual is lost(dies) AND IS FORGOTTEN...forgotten mentioned with emphasis because even after a person passes away, their impact may continue to be beneficial in the memory of others, writings left behind, and physical relics to be discovered.  It is only when a person's actions are forgotten, or impact on that which physically exists is no longer in use, that they can no longer provide benefit to a society. Nutshell: 'Old' is only bad when it can provide zero benefit.  Zero benefits is only reached when all that exists is gone. At that point... no one will care because no one will be here....

As the old men we still remember, the old women we still admire, and the old junk we still play with...be nice to the old!

Do not regret growing older.  It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown

For You OR For Them

Yawn....time to start the day.

What to wear today? There's a lot to choose from...pants, skirt, jeans, leggings, shorts...For the top.. 'Is it cool today?' nope.. short sleeves, sleeveless, tube top, tank???? How to choose?

So you pick out a tank top with a short sleeve cardigan and some jeans that make your butt look great, and some high heels with straps around the ankle.  Things to look forward to by the end of the day: Cold hands, pressure marks from the tight jeans on the hip, pain in the lower back, and 4 blisters located on various toes and ankles.

Why did you choose the collection of torture devices to wear on your body? Because you want THEM to think you look good/hot/attractive/feminine/sexy.  Women spend hours a day and thousands of dollars a year to attract men and battle other women in desirability.  What we have succeeded in by this effort is turning all women into joints/blunts. Yes, you heard me right.  We are tightly wrapped contraband that is passed around to every man in the area until we are reduced to a fraction of our original selves and tossed out as soon as we don't provide any further pleasure to men.

It has been ingrained into our ripe, innocent brains from the time we were born to be 'pretty' and that the 'no pain, no gain' route is the only way to live and succeed. Its turned out to be true too, this advice from mom and dad, that you have to be attractive to get ahead in this world... Shorter skirt = more pay. Sexy hair = powerful husband. Fit body = attractive boyfriend.  So WHERE in your decision making comes your own comfort?

Here is a second scenario... You wake up in the morning, slide on your favorite 5 year old baggy jeans and a t-shirt that you bought for $3, put your hair in a pony tail, and apply some lotion to your blemish free face (no makeup.. that's right...). DONE... Yup, that's it, simple and breathable day on its way... 'Order up'! We have these days now ladies.. when we are fending off a cold and no one is coming over to visit.  Those days we spend in our 'natural' condition of comfort and cleanliness, sighing in realization that there is no need to guard our derrière from a 'daring air' reveal.  So why don't we do this every day?

Answer: Men rule our closets because we let them.

It is in our DNA to be nurturing beings, caretakers, and mothers.  We want to see pleasant smiles on the faces of pleased men. When do men smile the most?  When they see a sexy figure.  We made ourselves 'hot' to get those smiles because unfortunately we have not demanded that they respect us for our hearts and minds wrapped comfortably inside a jump suit.

Challenge to Sisters!  I implore you to wear your size L shirts and jeans that don't show every nook and cranny of the 'grand canyon' and be comfortable for 7 days straight... only 7 days.  After your feet have healed, your face has cleared up, and you look years younger having been able sleep an extra 45 minutes per day...you will NEVER want to return to the old 'joint' that you were. Start today!

"If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself.  Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you." ~Fyodor Dostoyevski

3 Steps to Realize Someone's Character

Ever known someone for a year or longer just to discover that they are really an insensitive, uncaring, egotistical twirp?  Somehow you didn't realize it until so much time has passed and you waisted an emotional investment in someone who ended up only causing grief and maybe even costing some mula for a couple concert tickets.  So, if you want to avoid the bad investment of your time in a person with bad character, try the following techniques.

1)  Spend some good one-on-one time with the person.  I am not talking 2~3 hours only, but rather 2~3 days.  You may have to get clever with how to convince a new acquaintance to spend 2 days with you straight, but you can use the excuse of a broken water heater or something similar to see if they will invite you to stay in their guest room.  What is the point of spending that much time with them?   The reason is that a usual person is able to maintain a degree of 'normalcy' for only so long until their true self comes out.  After 24 hours has passed all the niceties fade away and you know just how far they can be pushed before they flip or before YOU flip out on their habits.  Survive the 3 days and you may be able to survive 3 years without so many issues.

2) Go on a road trip with them.  Road trips bring out lots of behaviors in people... if you are lucky, good behaviors will be shown too.  People have to get creative to keep their minds lively while driving for hours at a time, this all along with your dealings with take out food and the servers that provide it to you, facing crazy drivers on the interstate and maybe some physically draining late night driving.  Road trips can show the worst in people's impatience or show an individual's true light hearted nature.  Also, if he offers his shoulder for you to nap on, he is a keeper.

3) Loan them money.  No, no, not a lot of money, but maybe a $20 or $50 bill. Let them know for sure it is a loan and you expect to be paid back.  You can even note when you would like it to be paid back, like by the end of the week or as soon as they can.  The result is you can find out how genuinely thankful they are for a helping hand and how eager they are to settle the debt and keep things Even Stephen.  If they hold off paying you back, then they not only don't appreciate the help you gave them  but also they can't be trusted to follow through with their commitments.  If they don't pay it back ever, then see that money as well spent in the discovery of a person with bad character.

Try them out on a new friend or even an old one and see if you have made a good call at calling him/her your friend or partner.  You might very well be surprised! :)

Go the Distance

You are swamped with your work, trying to meet an impossible deadline, when the phone rings.  "Ya, what  now." is the nicest thing that you can utter to the caller in addition to a sigh signaling your level of impatience.  The voice on the other end of the line lightly asks, "Is there any way you could spare a few minutes to help me with a situation I can't seem to get myself out of?"

Before biting the poor soul's head off for disrupting your work, put yourself in their shoes for a moment.  They are in the depths of a world of stress, confusion, panic and fear of failure....and who did they call?  YOU.  This should tell you 1 of 2 things... either your reputation has spread as one who has true skill OR you're the sucker who everyone knows will take on their extra work (a.k.a. office peon).  In hopes that you are the first of the two persons mentioned, your response to the call should be "Ya, I have 5 minutes to help, I'll be right there."

Why help?  Here is why...

1) If you know what information is needed then you will not only be helping that person, but you will be helping in your company's success and speeding up your own opportunities for advancement.  Believe it or not, executives ARE watching to see who is a team player in their organization and to whom their team members go to in crisis.  In most cases, this will result in a bigger paycheck for you and more opportunities down the line in developing your skill set.

2) When you do something for others, you will personally feel fulfilled if you have done it with true selfless intention.  I have never known someone to do a good deed and not feel some joy from doing that deed.  In addition and in most cases, those whom you have helped will be eager to help you when you need a hand in the future.

3) If you are religious minded, you can know that for those who do good for others, there is reward from that 'higher power' to a much greater degree than that measly bit of help you did for your fellow man. Just like when you invest $1 in a mutual fund, you get a return of value more than you invested.  In terms of good deeds, if you invest 5 minutes of time in helping another person (or animal) then you could earn 5,000 years in the pleasure palace of heaven (or whatever palace you prefer).  Pretty good return on investment, isn't it?

IN SUMMARY....If someone asks for your help, or you see them in need of it, then spare that 5/10 minutes of your hectic life to invest in your future.  You will, at the very least, feel good about your efforts and at most get an eventual raise at work or a reservation in the heavenly abode.

One does evil enough when one does nothing good.  ~German Proverb

Dedication vs Obligation

I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.  ~Abraham Lincoln

We all have our days where we can't seem to dig up enough 'care' to do anything right, much less do it well. But keep trying we must, to maintain and improve our work, our relationships, and efforts toward our goals (whatever they may be). A recent decision, made by the company I work for, to not compensate workers for their days off duty (power out = can't operate) has got employees in a uproar about their belief that the company is 'obligated' to pay them anyway.  Is it really this company's obligation to pay them, or would it be just a way for the company to buy the employee's increased dedication?  Let's analyze dedication vs obligation....

Start with a simple area, like relationships. :)

Say you get married to some woman and promise to love, cherish, blah blah blah on the alter to the Almighty. You are, with that step, promising to do the basics in a relationship, to meet your OBLIGATION to them. You will give them companionship, intimacy, provide emotional and possibly even some financial support. Is that enough for the relationship to thrive?  In most cases, no.  What you have to do to keep a relationship going for the long haul is to show your DEDICATION to your partner by going above and beyond those obligatory acts.  From the guy's role, he might plan some vacations, give surprise gifts 'just because', buy her mother's birthday card before the wifey reminds of the date of her birthday, etc.  On the gal's side she could not buy a few outfits and instead upgrade his outdoor grill, get a new piece of lingerie to surprise him when he returns from a work trip, or hand detail/wash his car before he wakes up so he can have a pristine ride in to the job.  These are all those extra things that would show your DEDICATION to the relationship and, I promise you, will result in your partner being supremely happy and never wanting to leave (baring a major screw up on your part).

Now to the work arena.  What a company is obligated to do for its workers is (major points only):

1) Provide them with pay for work completed based on the rate agreed at hire
2) Provide a safe working environment that, if safety rules are followed, would not result in bodily harm
3) Provide breaks based on the number of hours for that shift
4) Send you your W2s when taxes are due

These are the absolute basic obligations from an employer.  If they do anything more than that for you, then they are giving it to you with the hopes that you will, in return, give your dedication to the company (or until they don't need your services anymore).  Some of the things they may do to gain your dedication:

1) Pay you a bonus
2) Increase your annual salary
3) Give you vacation days,paid sick days, paid holidays
4) Provide medical/dental/optical insurance coverage
5) Negotiate discounts from local service providers
6) Give you options for stock/bonds/401K buy in
7) Access to onsite drink/snack/supply machines

These are just a few of the items companies could give, but there are countless items or services that could be offered.  The more the company offers, the more dedicated an employee should be to providing the greatest effort in their duties.  In the end, it should be a win-win situation for both entities due to the company avoiding having to train a newbie, the employee feeling appreciated and building their own financial stability, and shared knowledge and experience for what works in business from both ends of the employment relationship.

To sum it up, whether you are working with a supervisor or a spouse, keep in mind that as long as they are providing you with what they are OBLIGATED to give you, you should not complain about not getting anything in addition to that. If you get anything extra over and beyond that which they are obligated to provide to you through the course of the relationship/employment, then appreciate it (gosh darn it) and make sure you return the favor by DEDICATING yourself to them.  They will, most likely, return the favor again and the reward cycle continues.  Even better, you could give your dedication to them before they give anything extra to you. (Its called being a good person...)

Good rule to Success:  Try harder today than yesterday 

Living with Determination

I learned a lesson from my grandfather today about not giving up and of truly living.  


After receiving word that he had just a few hours ago lost his balance, fallen, and cracked his hip, the family all went on 'Grandpa watch' to see what, if anything, we could do to help.  While waiting for news from the hospital of if surgery was even an option being that he is 90 years old, I reached for my laptop and found the video interview that I recorded of Grandpa in 2009.  In the video and after some discussion about his parents, his struggles with being handicapped (one arm had been injured during birth and never fully developed), and losing his father at the tender age of 8 months, the topic turned a little lighter with the question of his favorite memories as a child.


His face brightened up a bit as he began to describe the time he spent with the scouts in rural Illinois and of a particular outing where they were doing some rock climbing.  He, although having only one usable hand, was determined to climb a rock cliff just like the rest of the boys. He tackled the cliff head on, climbing up part way but losing grip and falling to the ground.  Slightly hurt but no with no less vigor, he got up, brushed off his hand and went for the cliff again.  One, two, three feet up the cliff he climbed but again, fell to the ground.  By now, the counselor who was supervising the boys said "Norm, you are not going to be able to make it up that cliff. You better stop before you get really hurt." Stubborn and strong headed, he ignored that advice and attempted it again.


One foot at a time, one grasp, scratch and push after another, he moved up the slope further than he had the previous climbs.  But, again, he fell to the ground and bruised his body enough to where the counselor said he was not allowed to attempt it again.  Although disappointed, he complied with the counselor's order and looked up as the other boys continued to climb and reach the peak.  They waved down at him from the top and he waved back, happy with their accomplishment, but underneath felt that it is not fair that, although he had equal or more determination than the other boys, he was not allowed to reach his desired destination.


Through his life grandpa has attempted to climb and has fallen down many cliffs; the first being at birth when he was damaged by the doctor, the second was being told he could not be an architect due to his handicap, the third being declared 'dead' during a previous surgery.  He got back up from each of those falls, dusted himself off, and kept on pushing for what he wanted. He came back from those by being a strong and capable husband, successful and influential businessman,  and returned to life from his 'death' to declare that he knew his 'purpose' of continuing life was to care for my grandmother for what turned out to be another 20 years. 


Now, with a hip cracked in three areas and surgery scheduled for 8AM, he is about to climb another rocky cliff. This cliff is no less daunting than the others, and he is no less determined.  His hip is shot, the surgery is risky, and when asked if they should use all measures to resuscitate in the event of a problem he said "Do everything you can, I still have to be there for my wife".  When asked further about his decision, he replied "If caring for her was not my purpose for life, I wouldn't have cared to come back to life 20 years ago when I died on that table.  I am most certainly not going to give up now." With that statement he fell into a deep sleep under the command of the pain medication.


Maybe in this climb he will reach his goal at the summit, recover from this injury and survive long enough to outlive my grandmother. Or maybe this will be another failed attempt in which he will fall and be 'told' by God that he has had enough attempts and will not be 'allowed' to continue to try again.  Either way, Grandpa has tried his hardest, defied the many words of 'advice' from those who have told him to give up, and in the process has already reached his summit...being the example of success through determination.