Secrets can fall into a few categories. Habitual, Acceptable, Taboo, and Regretful. Most of us will have at least a few of these if you have passed successfully through puberty and reached your 30s. Let's uncover these secrets (at least hypothetically) and explore what you can do to allow yourself some relief from them.
Habitual Secrets - These are activities that you do on a regular basis, habitually, and nobody knows you are doing them. Some examples could be taking the edge off by downing a shot of alcohol to START your day, watching a segment of a porn every night before your spouse comes to bed so you can still appear to be turned on by them, or binging and purging. These are all habits that you have hidden from others for fear that you would appear weak or incapable of handling life's challenges. Some can cause you great physical harm (don't drink a shot in the mornings, BAD) while others are emotionally harming in the long term. How to fix: If you have feelings that you want to keep secret due to assuming that other's expectations would not be met, you need to declare your freedom from their opinion. You yourself are responsible for your own behaviors, good or bad. Your brother would not go to jail for a crime that you commit, so your brother's opinion shouldn't matter if you yourself feel something is right to do.
Acceptable Secrets - These are secrets that everyone has, things that everyone does, but it's unnecessary to discuss it. Some examples might be your having the hots for and daydreaming about your professor, picking your nose while stuck in traffic, or lying to your spouse that you already took out the trash but really you'll do it as soon as she looks away. How to fix: No need to fix these as long as they remain secrets and as long as they are not hurting anyone.
Taboo Secrets - Every culture has its own Taboos which don't apply across the board, so I will only address examples of Taboos in the 'Western' context. Examples of taboo secrets are being in a polygamous marriage, enjoying dressing in the opposite gender clothing, or animals being a turn on. These kinds of activities are extremely taboo to a point where some laws have even made the activities illegal. One who has a taboo secret would probably feel constantly alienated from those around him/her because of the scale of their secret. How to fix: If your activity is not harmful to you or others, then I would encourage you to find at least one person to befriend who shares your passion or would at least not criticize your preferences. It is important, as human beings, to feel like a member of a community for emotional health. If you can't find someone then you may be able to find a community in another country that would not only practice the same activity, but celebrate it.
Regretful Secrets - These secrets are ones that you wish you had a magical 'undo' button for. Examples of regretful secrets are things such as forgetting your baby in the car when going into a store, cheating on your spouse (even when things were going great), or stealing a piece of jewelry from your mother to pawn for beer. These are things that no one (I would hope) would be happy for having done and of which you plan to never do again. How to fix: This is a tough one to fix. The only thing to be done to be free of the regretful secrets is to ask forgiveness from those whom you have wronged. Depending on if you are a religious person or not, forgiveness may also be asked from God without you having to make your actions public. Then, once you get it out of your conscious, express your remorse, and hopefully receive forgiveness from them, you can move on.
There is no better time to start than now.
FYI, if you like the little cartoon above, you can find some awesomely funny ones at http://www.nataliedee.com/ (SOOO love this cartoonist)
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