Work Smells

So imagine this.. You are at your desk in an open area office and unexpectedly a curious smell of what could either be pulled pork or BO passes under your nose.  What do you do?  Do you stand up and do a sanity check by asking your coworker if they smell the same thing?  Do you not say anything and pray that it is indeed pulled pork that some oddball is eating at 9 AM?


So this is the dilemma that so many of us experience on a daily basis while having to work with others.  I'm not talking about the normal dude that burned the popcorn, but rather the people who need a nasal software upgrade.


Anchors - Lets start with an easy one.  Those people who seem to enjoy gluing their butts to their seats from 8AM to 5PM (or longer) and only decide to shift from that location when they have to get some more food.   An anchor will most likely have their breakfast, lunch, and even dinner stashed away in their desk in every crevice imaginable. They have a tiny refrigerator under their desk with dressings and sliced cheese, as well as their next week's lunches and a gallon of the sweetest iced tea known to man in the break room fridge. Because they sit and eat their meals at their desk, we all get to enjoy every whiff of tuna, egg salad, and hot wings that he has in his arsenal of smells.  The only remedy for this is to not become one of them and get out of Dodge during the lunch hour.


Air Fresheners - These are worse than the name may lead one to imagine.  The "Air Fresheners" are the repulsive people who smell so bad that it causes you to need to spray your own desk area to try to MASK their nasty body odor.  At first you wonder "Is it me? Did I forget to put on my Sure?" but you take a quick whiff and your pits smell like roses compared to what is attacking your nose on the outside.  Then you look over and see Mr. Wonderful in the next cube stretching his arms to the sky.  Like blinking white landing lights the source of the stench is apparent.  What can you do?  Unfortunately these cases are not the ones you can address directly and your only option is to say to them "Did you bring Kimchi today?  I swear I could smell Kimchi a few minutes ago".  Maybe they will get the hint and scrub-a-dub-dub a bit harder.


Fabios  - These could be considered good or bad, depending on if you are attracted to a dog in heat.  The men and women who forget that the human nose adjusts to constant smells and cancels out that which is there perpetually need to do a reality check when they decide to bathe in a pool of musk cologne.  The rest of us don't want to smell the greasy beach tanned ladies man wanna-be while we crunch the numbers.  Keep your musk to a minimum PLEASE even if you say you can't smell it.


I never discovered the source of the stench from this morning.  I do know however that the 'lady from the East' left the area and soon after that the stench magically dissipated.  Pulled pork anyone?