Tidbits 1

- The biggest tool for a robber is your fear. If you resist being fearful, you take away his success.

- Parents teach you how to avoid their mistakes.  You teach yourself how to avoid your own.

- Self doubt is the seed of weakness. Weakness is the seed of death.

- The will to live is more effective than the strongest medicine.

- If you never have want for anything, you will always find happiness with whatever comes.

- Obliterate  ignorance and you obliterate stupidity. Get started....

(Dedicated to my husband...)

Important Knowledge

We spend our days in pursuit of something.  One day we may be pursuing a basic need such as food or shelter, while on another we may be pursuing love or acceptance.  All of these pursuits require some knowledge of how to get from A to B without causing harm to one's self or others.  Knowledge is gained through first hand experience, education through institutions, instinctual feeling, or even inspiration given by a greater being.

So we continue through our lives using what knowledge we have acquired to benefit our lives and to enable us to get to the next day and to the next pursuit.  What area of knowledge though, will provide us with the greatest outcome?  Of the areas of Science, Business, Religion and Humanity, which can provide the greatest benefit given equal effort?

Science/Math is the realm of proofs.  The celebrated scientific method has 'proven' countless things about the world around us and that which is around the world in the universe.  Math is used as a fundamental driver to almost everything around us in the technological world and even in the simplicity of the ticking of a clock.  It seems you MUST know the basics of these areas to get through a 24 hour day (see, had to use the numbers to convey to you what I meant).

Business is as diverse as we are as human beings. Business is driven by demand, thus knowledge of and continued learning of what our world's diverse population would want in their lives is required to be successful.  Business is however finite in its application, as many of us spend 18+ years schooling for and 40+ years utilizing and then quit.  With retirement comes the option of the end to your offered business knowledge, and yet, the need for available purchasing opportunities continues.

Religion is that which has always existed, and yet does not 'exist'.  It is about the unseen, about belief, and is the choice of the individual and their own spirit.  With hundreds of religions in existence today, gaining knowledge of them all would take several lifetimes.  Most of us then have settled with learning about that which our parents have believed, while others have branched out to learn and follow a religion otherwise due to a feeling of a 'missing piece' in personal spiritual fulfillment.  If your religion supports the belief of an eternal afterlife, then knowledge of religion is of utmost importance as your faulty actions could result in a much LONGER consequence.

We are constantly surrounded by fellow humans.  The knowledge of humanity, our communication, experiences, understanding... are all required for experiencing happiness.  From day 1 we are welcomed into this world by our family, with words, touch, care and affection.  We exit with our loved ones surrounding us with tears and priceless emotions shared in appreciation of what they received from us in affection.  In addition, helping our fellows in humanity around the world is our duty and thus a knowledge requirement.

Find your balance of all of these areas based on your goals.  If you value my opinion at all, knowledge in the long term and happiness proven areas of religion and humanity are key.  Those two will get you through your physical life and, if an afterlife is proven to be our destiny, then your covered for an eternity.

1st Year Rules

A great Friday blasted into an oblivion of annoyance.

A person I work with can't seem to understand what not to say to avoid ticking me off.  I have been working here for 4 years as a senior strategist, she for 9 months as a specialist. After I finished a project (which she originally abandoned because she went on an extended vacation only 3 months after she was hired), I had some proofing samples brought in to test. While I was talking to the vendor, this specialist proceeds to interrupt my conversation, critique the materials that I produced and approved, and suggests ridiculous applications of the product which were all together not feasible and more costly.  The vendor left after I assured him that what we had decided to go forward with will remain as is.  The specialist then tops off the event with telling me 'Good Job' in a tone that can only be similar to that of a kindergarten teacher.  I wanted to tell her to 'Bite me'!

There are certain unsaid rules to follow when starting at a new job and working with others

1) DON'T ASSUME you know how things work in a business until you have been there for at least 1 year.  No matter if you have held that exact same position for 10 years in a different company, the dynamics of another business may be altogether inappropriate to the new operation method.

2) Take the first year to shut up and LISTEN, rather than speak during any open air opportunities.  Certainly you should ask questions humbly to understand that which you don't know, but the more you listen the more you can learn and progress in your performance.

3) Give the people who have worked there for a longer period RESPECT and trust that they have the most expertise in their activities.  They would not have remained employed at that business if they did not perform their duties effectively.  If you come in to a position with blazing finger points, you won't have any fellow associates defending you when you commit a major screw up (which most new employees will do).

4) As all individual people are different, you must learn which method works best to get the best out of each individual. ADAPT your own terminology and voice inflections to get the best results. You have no control over their behavior, even if they report to you.  Address any of their inappropriate behavior formally,with calmness, and possibly with an arbitrator.

5) DO NOT PATRONIZE superiors with phrases like "Good Job" as these should be reserved for those associates of equal or inferior position. For those of superior position whom you should show respect, use phrases like "Great" or "Wonderful" when they have made a change and try to refer to the improvement process rather than that person's performance. If you do spout out a 'Good job' or 'Great work' to superior then you will lose respect.

6) If you have a suggestion for a possible improvement, don't start it with terms like "You should..." or "Why didn't you..." or "You need to"... By using the word 'you', the statement becomes a personal attack rather than one that addresses a process.  If it involves a change in their behavior, the term "We" works better, as it implies your willingness to SHARE the responsibility and thus can't be personal.  "Could we do it like this...." refers to the company employees working to improve operations together.

7) Let the boss be the boss.  If you disagree with the direction that he/she is deciding to take the company in, you can express your feeling but then step back and let him/her take the ownership of what they have been awarded responsibility.  If you continue to support your superiors activities, you will earn their respect and one day, when you are in the management position, you can make changes in activities over which you have authority.

Please, PLEASE keep these things in mind if you are in your first year of employment at a company.  Otherwise, you might become a 'Specialist' in unemployment very soon after.

Keeping Secrets

How many 'secrets' do you have locked inside your heart and mind at this present moment? 5,  30,  200, 1.3 Million....  If you are the norm its probably more than a few hundred.  Some secrets are fine to keep hidden, but others can be harmful to your peace of mind and even your health.

Secrets can fall into a few categories.  Habitual, Acceptable, Taboo, and Regretful.  Most of us will have at least a few of these if you have passed successfully through puberty and reached your 30s.  Let's uncover these secrets (at least hypothetically) and explore what you can do to allow yourself some relief from them.

Habitual Secrets - These are activities that you do on a regular basis, habitually, and nobody knows you are doing them.  Some examples could be taking the edge off by downing a shot of alcohol to START your day,  watching a segment of a porn every night before your spouse comes to bed so you can still appear to be turned on by them,  or binging and purging.  These are all habits that you have hidden from others for fear that you would appear weak or incapable of handling life's challenges.  Some can cause you great physical harm (don't drink a shot in the mornings, BAD) while others are emotionally harming in the long term. How to fix: If you have feelings that you want to keep secret due to assuming that other's expectations would not be met, you need to declare your freedom from their opinion.  You yourself are responsible for your own behaviors, good or bad. Your brother would not go to jail for a crime that you commit, so your brother's opinion shouldn't matter if you yourself feel something is right to do.

Acceptable Secrets - These are secrets that everyone has, things that everyone does, but it's unnecessary to discuss it.  Some examples might be your having the hots for and daydreaming about your professor, picking your nose while stuck in traffic, or lying to your spouse that you already took out the trash but really you'll do it as soon as she looks away.  How to fix: No need to fix these as long as they remain secrets and as long as they are not hurting anyone.

Taboo Secrets - Every culture has its own Taboos which don't apply across the board, so I will only address examples of Taboos in the 'Western' context. Examples of taboo secrets are being in a polygamous marriage, enjoying dressing in the opposite gender clothing, or animals being a turn on.  These kinds of activities are extremely taboo to a point where some laws have even made the activities illegal.  One who has a taboo secret would probably feel constantly alienated from those around him/her because of the scale of their secret.  How to fix: If your activity is not harmful to you or others, then I would encourage you to find at least one person to befriend who shares your passion or would at least not criticize your preferences.  It is important, as human beings, to feel like a member of a community for emotional health.  If you can't find someone then you may be able to find a community in another country that would not only practice the same activity, but celebrate it.

Regretful Secrets - These secrets are ones that you wish you had a magical 'undo' button for.  Examples of regretful secrets are things such as forgetting your baby in the car when going into a store, cheating on your spouse (even when things were going great), or stealing a piece of jewelry from your mother to pawn for beer.  These are things that no one (I would hope) would be happy for having done and of which you plan to never do again.  How to fix: This is a tough one to fix.  The only thing to be done to be free of the regretful secrets is to ask forgiveness from those whom you have wronged.  Depending on if you are a religious person or not, forgiveness may also be asked from God without you having to make your actions public.  Then, once you get it out of your conscious, express your remorse, and hopefully receive forgiveness from them, you can move on.

There is no better time to start than now.

FYI, if you like the little cartoon above, you can find some awesomely funny ones at http://www.nataliedee.com/ (SOOO love this cartoonist)

Work Smells

So imagine this.. You are at your desk in an open area office and unexpectedly a curious smell of what could either be pulled pork or BO passes under your nose.  What do you do?  Do you stand up and do a sanity check by asking your coworker if they smell the same thing?  Do you not say anything and pray that it is indeed pulled pork that some oddball is eating at 9 AM?


So this is the dilemma that so many of us experience on a daily basis while having to work with others.  I'm not talking about the normal dude that burned the popcorn, but rather the people who need a nasal software upgrade.


Anchors - Lets start with an easy one.  Those people who seem to enjoy gluing their butts to their seats from 8AM to 5PM (or longer) and only decide to shift from that location when they have to get some more food.   An anchor will most likely have their breakfast, lunch, and even dinner stashed away in their desk in every crevice imaginable. They have a tiny refrigerator under their desk with dressings and sliced cheese, as well as their next week's lunches and a gallon of the sweetest iced tea known to man in the break room fridge. Because they sit and eat their meals at their desk, we all get to enjoy every whiff of tuna, egg salad, and hot wings that he has in his arsenal of smells.  The only remedy for this is to not become one of them and get out of Dodge during the lunch hour.


Air Fresheners - These are worse than the name may lead one to imagine.  The "Air Fresheners" are the repulsive people who smell so bad that it causes you to need to spray your own desk area to try to MASK their nasty body odor.  At first you wonder "Is it me? Did I forget to put on my Sure?" but you take a quick whiff and your pits smell like roses compared to what is attacking your nose on the outside.  Then you look over and see Mr. Wonderful in the next cube stretching his arms to the sky.  Like blinking white landing lights the source of the stench is apparent.  What can you do?  Unfortunately these cases are not the ones you can address directly and your only option is to say to them "Did you bring Kimchi today?  I swear I could smell Kimchi a few minutes ago".  Maybe they will get the hint and scrub-a-dub-dub a bit harder.


Fabios  - These could be considered good or bad, depending on if you are attracted to a dog in heat.  The men and women who forget that the human nose adjusts to constant smells and cancels out that which is there perpetually need to do a reality check when they decide to bathe in a pool of musk cologne.  The rest of us don't want to smell the greasy beach tanned ladies man wanna-be while we crunch the numbers.  Keep your musk to a minimum PLEASE even if you say you can't smell it.


I never discovered the source of the stench from this morning.  I do know however that the 'lady from the East' left the area and soon after that the stench magically dissipated.  Pulled pork anyone?

Pawning the Past

What do you do when you have a lot of gold jewelry from your ex-husband and left over debt from that same ex-husband?  You sell the jewelry to a pawn shop to pay off the debt and hopefully not get swindled by the shop dealer.  Here are some tips for how to get rid of that memory-laden jewelry and keep your head above your debts...

1) Go through all jewelry that you have and for each piece determine if you have any future need for it or any healthy emotional attachment to it.  If any of the following does apply, don't try to sell it unless you are so bad off that you can't pay your bills.(If that's the case, then I need a totally new post for those issues). Do not sell a piece if: It reminds you of your grandmother, mother, sister or friend that you still have a special relationship with;  You have worn it sometime in the last year; You could gift it to a future daughter or niece on one of her birthdays; The value of that item is less than the cost of the fuel to go to the pawn shop ($10 bucks).

2)  When you decide what you want to sell, clean it up.  Even if that item is made of solid 22k gold or pure silver, a tarnished piece will not make an impact to the dealer. They see a dirty piece and see the work needed to clean it up, so they might reduce the price in their minds just for that reason.  If you try to sell a car, you clean it. If you try to sell jewelry, you clean it!

3) Check online for the price of gold, silver, and platinum.  For the most part, unless you have a major diamond or stone you are selling, the gold or platinum will give you the most return.  When you get the price, understand that the price is for PURE gold, not the 10K, 14K, 22K etc.  You will have to reduce the price based on the karat weight.  Go here for some guidelines on how to determine the reduced price per gram and some general information on selling precious metals.

4) Accept that what you paid for the jewelry is nowhere near what you will get for it from the shop.  Most retail jewelers will double, triple or quadruple the price of the pieces they are selling.  That means if you paid $200 for the piece at a Valentine's Day sale, they probably only paid about $50 for it themselves.  This means that the MAX you will get at the shop is the value of the piece ($50) assuming the value of the precious metal has not gone up or down in price.  The shop keeper also will want to make some return on the item too, so that might bump it down to around a $30 or $40 offer if you keep a good straight face in the dealing.

5) Go to the shop with a dollar amount already in your head for what you want to sell it for.  Do this rationally, keeping in mind #3 and #4.  If the cost of the gold is $1,200, try to get $700 for it and you will have made a decent deal considering you are working with a pawn shop.

6) If they ask you how much you want for it, DO NOT tell them a selling price before they offer.  Ask them to make an offer first and then see how different that is from your thoughts on what you wanted out of the sale.  If they say a number higher than your thought (lucky you) keep a straight face and offer $100 higher than what they offered.  They may stand firm or may meet halfway.  Go with your gut.  If they offer you LESS than what you had in mind you need to tell them that you did your research and know the value of the items based on the price of (metal) and that they have to do better than that.  Give them the quote of $100 more than you desired return and hopefully they will be willing to meet you at a number closer to your desired amount.  

7) Don't be afraid to walk out.  They do these kinds of negotiations all day long and are not intimidated by you at all.  If you look desperate, they will try to take your goods for less money.  If you show them that you don't care if they buy it from you or not, then they might work better with you.  If you don't get a good feeling about the deal, then walk away... they might just call you back and agree to your asking price.

In the end, the best thing that comes out of a sale like this is that you get to get rid of some emotional clutter and make money in the process.  No more visual cues of an ex-relationship in front of you and some money in your pocket or applied to debt.  Nothing beats fast cash and getting one step farther from that ex-pain-in-the-@$$.

Three Subs don't equal One Genuine

When I was asked to take care of my mom's cats for a week while she was away, I was certainly happy to say 'yes' and prepared my two bedroom apartment for the two additional felines' arrival.  These are cats whom have been members of the family for over 14 years, so I felt that I would love to have them for this visit.  Seems after only this first day that my thoughts were mistaken...

A little summary of the first 10 hours went as follows: Maggie (whom I affectionately call 'Magit') spent 8 hours under my couch from the moment she arrived. The other, Bubba (whom I call 'Boobaloo') was in and out from under the couch for most of the day also and came out only to get a drink of water.  Boobaloo also felt the need to inspect the dining room table top, tried to inspect the kitchen counter top, and hissed under the door at my cat who I had to unfortunately confine to her own room for the duration of the week.  Magit came out eventually and tried to hop up on top of the bathroom counter, tried to trip me about 4 times when I was getting some watermelon from the fridge, and would not stop whopping her tail against my arm even when I was not touching her.  Both then executed a grand finale in the night of hissing at each other for 10 minutes followed by harassment to my hamster.

These less-than-amusing events left me with the realization that I have changed quite a bit on my view of owning pets.  When I was a bit younger, I felt that having animals was about the joy of the love and attention you could shower on them and the love and affection they show to you. I could deal with the cleaning up, the feeding, the vet bills, the hair, the meowing etc, because they were giving me love and giving me purpose.  Now however, I have a more mature understanding of my what my own priorities are, what I should spend my time doing to benefit my life, humans to have around whom I can direct love towards and feel loved by, and that I truly like to keep a REALLY clean house.

Cats thus (at least in multiple) have lost their spots as sources of fulfillment and have now passed onto the 'extra work' category.  I am certain that I would not choose to have more than one cat as a permanent pet while I still have my sanity and I give full permission to my friends and family to commit me to some institution for the mentally injured if I decide to have more than one.  Caring for pets is a great thing to do, don't get me wrong, but I think people who have buried themselves in multiple pets are actually just using the pets as a cover-up to their loneliness and filling the void of a lack of companionship from another human being.

Note to those whom are thinking of having multiple pets...If you stack them on top of each other to the height of an average human being, they still don't become a human being to help you to feel fulfilled.  Only a true human can help you with that.

Living with Determination

I learned a lesson from my grandfather today about not giving up and of truly living.  


After receiving word that he had just a few hours ago lost his balance, fallen, and cracked his hip, the family all went on 'Grandpa watch' to see what, if anything, we could do to help.  While waiting for news from the hospital of if surgery was even an option being that he is 90 years old, I reached for my laptop and found the video interview that I recorded of Grandpa in 2009.  In the video and after some discussion about his parents, his struggles with being handicapped (one arm had been injured during birth and never fully developed), and losing his father at the tender age of 8 months, the topic turned a little lighter with the question of his favorite memories as a child.


His face brightened up a bit as he began to describe the time he spent with the scouts in rural Illinois and of a particular outing where they were doing some rock climbing.  He, although having only one usable hand, was determined to climb a rock cliff just like the rest of the boys. He tackled the cliff head on, climbing up part way but losing grip and falling to the ground.  Slightly hurt but no with no less vigor, he got up, brushed off his hand and went for the cliff again.  One, two, three feet up the cliff he climbed but again, fell to the ground.  By now, the counselor who was supervising the boys said "Norm, you are not going to be able to make it up that cliff. You better stop before you get really hurt." Stubborn and strong headed, he ignored that advice and attempted it again.


One foot at a time, one grasp, scratch and push after another, he moved up the slope further than he had the previous climbs.  But, again, he fell to the ground and bruised his body enough to where the counselor said he was not allowed to attempt it again.  Although disappointed, he complied with the counselor's order and looked up as the other boys continued to climb and reach the peak.  They waved down at him from the top and he waved back, happy with their accomplishment, but underneath felt that it is not fair that, although he had equal or more determination than the other boys, he was not allowed to reach his desired destination.


Through his life grandpa has attempted to climb and has fallen down many cliffs; the first being at birth when he was damaged by the doctor, the second was being told he could not be an architect due to his handicap, the third being declared 'dead' during a previous surgery.  He got back up from each of those falls, dusted himself off, and kept on pushing for what he wanted. He came back from those by being a strong and capable husband, successful and influential businessman,  and returned to life from his 'death' to declare that he knew his 'purpose' of continuing life was to care for my grandmother for what turned out to be another 20 years. 


Now, with a hip cracked in three areas and surgery scheduled for 8AM, he is about to climb another rocky cliff. This cliff is no less daunting than the others, and he is no less determined.  His hip is shot, the surgery is risky, and when asked if they should use all measures to resuscitate in the event of a problem he said "Do everything you can, I still have to be there for my wife".  When asked further about his decision, he replied "If caring for her was not my purpose for life, I wouldn't have cared to come back to life 20 years ago when I died on that table.  I am most certainly not going to give up now." With that statement he fell into a deep sleep under the command of the pain medication.


Maybe in this climb he will reach his goal at the summit, recover from this injury and survive long enough to outlive my grandmother. Or maybe this will be another failed attempt in which he will fall and be 'told' by God that he has had enough attempts and will not be 'allowed' to continue to try again.  Either way, Grandpa has tried his hardest, defied the many words of 'advice' from those who have told him to give up, and in the process has already reached his summit...being the example of success through determination.

Princess Mania

The world is a buzz about the upcoming marriage of Miss Kate Middleton and HRH Prince William to a point of frenzy. Women's wardrobes are being updated to match the soon-to-be Princess's (or whatever name the Queen decides upon) collection, the headlines on the major networks are talking about her transportation more than the uprisings in Libya, and commercials are going wild with the sale of replica engagement rings.  What I would like to discuss, however, is not this event that has taken the world by storm, but rather what are we all in admiration over?  What's to awe: the wedding, the life, or something else?  Is that 'royal world' really a wonderful place?

First off, I doubt that the lives of the royals are all that they are cracked up to be.  If you have to worry about cameras and microphones recording your every move, wink and puff (of whatever substance you may puff) then I would not be so excited.  Yes, it comes with some money, some perks (private entry to almost any place imaginable), and some palaces... but where is the freedom in all that?  If you want to go out for some ice cream at 1AM, nope, have to call the guards to clear the place for security risks.  If you want to go get a new piece of lingerie to surprise 'Willy boy' for a special anniversary do you have to get the Queen's permission to ensure her that you are not getting center-cut-out style?  Having people watch every move I make gives me chills and I would not want it for all the jewels in the Kingdom (or the world for that matter).

For those who don't want to imagine about that kind of pressure, suppose you dream of that royal life because of hunky Prince William.  Oh ya, he had his days of 'drool on pillow' hotness, but as it happens to all men, his hair keeps falling and the reality of 'manly' forgetfulness begins to show through.  A princess may have the prince, but a pauper may be better at remembering your favorite flower/pastry/book without an assistant to tip him off on the right answer. Good men are everywhere, you just have to hunt them down and not lower your standards for the schlup next door.

What is the rest of the buzz about...the clothes and castles?  These days the absence of royals in big ball gowns and chunky jewels doesn't leave much of a difference from the clothing you would find in the streets of Milan or Paris.  In regards to the castles (with A/C systems installed), I am sure they are quite wonderful to live in, given that you have maids and butlers to help you do all the necessary tasks such as brush your teeth and take out the trash.  I give in to that one, I myself would certainly appreciate the absence of cleaning the bathroom.

So, not to be all negative sounding about the delightful event of a royal marriage, but the point of this is to advise those of you who are buying the cheap replicas of the engagement rings, the Barbie-wanna-be Kate dolls, and who are staying up late for any word on which wedding gown she will choose ....MUTE THE MANIA! You can have all that splendor for yourself (minus the stress) by just getting a good education, staying out of debt so you can build a spectacular 'castle' in the country, and be sure that you WILL find that awesome husband who will wake you up to a fresh cup of coffee and pastry without you having to order it from the butler.  Cheers!