Worry Wench

Had a bad day yesterday due to lack of sleep.  Normally, I can function pretty well on about 6 hours  with only a few minor mood swings which I perceive as being tolerable by others, but when the sleep is reduced to 4 hours.... WATCH OUT WORLD...PISSED WOMAN APPROACHING!

Reason for deprivation? I woke up at 4:15 naturally and fully intended to go back to sleep (until the time when my alarm would inform me of the impending doom of a new workday) but instead my brain decided to hijack my peace.  The dominant thought... "Did I screw up the budget yesterday?"

In the room where I am 'cubed' at work there are a few people who generally come to me for advice for voucher claims and for budget transfers from month to month and expense code to expense code.  Generally I am all good about helping them out of their predicaments and it is rather eazy-peezy.  But this time, due to the jet lag (although I will deny that I am affected by it as badly as others are) and trying to get my brain out of vacation mode, I was in the midst of a 4:00 AM worryfest concerning if I had royally screwed up budget requests for 2 people due to an overseen technicality.

I would tell myself, "Its fine, you can reverse what you did yesterday and make it all better today when you go in.  Just call accounting and have them fix it IF there is a problem with the budget month." 

Then the 'Worry Wench" residing in the evil depths of my cranium would respond with "Oh no, you weren't careful enough yesterday and they can't reverse the problem because the system is strict.  You just lost $3,000 budget."

I return again to address the wench "Regardless of if you are right or not, I can't do anything about it at 4 in the morning!"

She would then smartly reply "True, you can't do anything now, but imagine every detail of the crap you have to go through explaining to those people you helped... who TRUSTED you to advise them....that you screwed it all up for them!"

I thus lay there in a stressed out stoop imagining the pending doom at work IF IF IF there is a problem that I wasn't able to foresee.  Two hours pass by and no sleep, just closed eyes and a noticeably dismal facial expression imprinted on my face to add that much more joy to the day.

BEEP BEEP BEEP.... the alarm goes off....

Slugging to get ready and go to work, arrival and immediate 8AM call to accounting to confirm that NO, there is no problem and the budget requests done yesterday were all correctly done.

Great to hear.   Now the only thing I get out of my lack of sleep is a crappy attitude and a hope that my coworkers don't wring my neck for being short tempered with them over the next 8 hours.

Better believe I slept like a dead woman that night ... after pigging out on a grilled cheese sandwich and chocolate ice cream.


I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know? ~Ernest Hemingway

Outward Beauty - per men

Through experience and some web research, here is what I have determined to be the top 4 outward qualities that men admire most. By NO means am I saying that these are most important, however its not like its something we can or should ignore.  Anywho, here they are!

#1 - Hair

There is nothing that can beat a shiny, healthy head of hair.  It can be curly or straight, short or long, highlighted or natural, but regardless of the do that you drape your coif will grab the attention.  "The power is in the follicle!" Ok, maybe no 'power' is really involved, but your protein strands grab and keep the attention of many men.  Online sources say that 60% of a man's attention is on your hair and 75% of those will ignore your other 'flaws' if you have gorgeous flowing flocks.  So ladies… if you want attention, don’t skimp on the conditioning treatment… and if you don’t want  it then go for the bun, a hat, or the full on scarf (like the pretty lady in the foto... ).  But be forewarned... if you cover your hair under a hat, it might be even more of a temptation for the dude to see what you have hidden!  

#2 - Lips

Guys want to be funny, fun, and fascinating.  How do they know they have landed high on your score for them?  By looking at your SMILE and LAUGH shown on your LIPS!  So what gathers more attention to that source of good and evil (depending on what comes out of your smackers could cause one or the other)?  Lipstick.  Studies show that you get 6.7 seconds of attention if you are wearing pink lipstick and 7.3 seconds of attention if you are wearing red lipstick.  So how much attention do I get if I wear my purple or brown tones??? Study is lacking…..

#3 - Physical Fitness

We are not talking track star here, but at least having the ability to distinguish between flub and fantastic.  Some curves are good, but whether you have them naturally or not, is not as important as being healthy.  Why?  Because healthy = procreation = stability = longevity.  For the true and genuine relationship hunting man… these are the keys to success.  Ya, they say they want someone who is ‘hot’ but that phrase is just man-talk for healthy.

#4 - Good Hygiene

Imagine a woman who is fit as a fiddle, has flowing blonde hair, cute red lips…. And smells like a rotten fish carcass.  No matter if you have him all the money in the world, he is not going to want to get close to her because she is SMELL-E!!!  I almost wanted to put this item at the top of the list, but I would like to think that it is so rare to have a woman neglect her bodily stank that I positioned it at the bottom of my list.  To put it simply… wash your pits, brush your teeth, and mind your general ‘secretion’ levels to be sure you aren’t driving that perfect (80% perfect at least) man away from the paradise that is you.

Beauty is the bait which with delight allures man to enlarge his kind. - Socrates

Tip for Kitty Owners

Just a simple tip for those of you who have kittens or cats that require constant fun.  After watching my kitten play with some 'debris' in the tub (dry) on her own, I thought I should put one of her toys in there so the poor thing doesn't have to resort to trash to play with.  So on my route to her toy basket.... my attention was diverted to a bowl of shiny marbles I have on display in my dining room. (I am an addict to color... what is more awesome than a colorful marble!)

This was the thought sequence....1) Tub 2) Curvature 3) Marble 4) Curvature 5) Paw 6) Swirl 7) Automatic Kitten Toy!

So instead of going for her pink puff ball... I grabbed a blue marble from the pile of gorgeous marbles and made my way back to the bathroom.  She was still in the tub trying to find something to play with in this new white play pen and looked up at me when I came in with my toy offering.  After showing her what I was about to introduce to her (can't scare the kitties!) I placed the marble against the inside edge of the tub and let it roll.

She was instantly hooked!  Pat with the paw and ZOOOM it rolls all over the tub left and right and round in circles at the drain. Forty minutes later she finally decides that the fun is over (for now) and came to find out what 'Mamma' is up to (that's me).  Mamma is typing this up on the blog to share with her buddies...

Marble + Tub + Kitten = One of the greatest discoveries of 2012 (aside from when we all discover the world won't come to an end because the Mayans aren't gods)

NOTE: If you don't have one of those tubs with a cover on the drain, get one or don't attempt!

Child Unattended

Spike & Ike 2012

Rectal intrusion diverted

Do you sometimes feel that someone, somewhere, always has their finger up your 'boo-tay' and is attempting to control your every move like a finger puppet?

(FYI, drawing that little hand image there was quite an enjoyable task in MS PowerPoint.  Give it a try sometime, but be forewarned that if you are not so artistically inclined, lock the gun up before starting...)

This delightful day consisted of a series of unfortunate decisions made by those who like to think of themselves as people in 'control' of our business operations.  Between those ludicrous decisions also occurred a gamut of other imbecilic situations such as a team building exercise gone wrong, a testosterone filled 'my thing is bigger than your thing' fight, and a bra strap mishap.  The typical day.... in other words....

So back to the finger prodding....

The people attempting to explore my end-trails are HR, Accounting, and Operation Support.  Between those three groups and all their rules inflicted upon us innocent employees, this company could no doubt serve as the next world renowned rectal 'We'll do you deep and right' clinic. They want you to use a certain format for an open text field (why make it open text if its so controlled??), they want 4 approvals for a trip claim when you got approval to go on the stinking trip before you purchased the ticket,  and they want to assume what people like with the hopes that they are themselves 'in touch' with employee needs rather than just ask them what they like, and the list goes on and on.

What did I do to resolve the problems?   In a nutshell I told my boss he needed to say 'do it' to them so they would ignore their regulations (just this once....), I told HR that I will wash my hands clean of my volunteer work to pick up their slack until they start putting the employees as their true priority, and the rest I decided to separate myself from to let them feel the pain of self reliance.

In the end... when they started to insert the pointer finger, they were met by something too tight to breach.

On the other events....A puma fixed my twisted bra strap....and the testosterone spat dude got out with only a broken collar bone and losing his job.  I suppose that's a win, win, win for him (crazy men folk .... : )

"Could you write a note for my wife to say that my head it not up there?" ~ Rectal exam patient's request to doctor

Zombie Attack

Spike-n-Ike 2012 - Zombie Attack

Mosquito Boxing

My husband is the Rocky Balboa of mosquito boxing.....I am so proud!

:)

Let me explain.

He was with a group of 15~ 16 people sitting on the floor having a little chat, snacks, and  all that hoop-la when *BOOM* he punches into the air out of nowhere. If I was there and had seen him, I might have questioned his sanity, or at the very least considered wearing a hockey mask to bed.... but I was not there so was spared that thought. His fellow floor compatriots however did witness the oddity and thus looked to him in bewilderment and to each other in search of some reason why in the world this seemingly sane dude would punch fast and hard into the air above himself.

After watching their faces with a short, yet enjoyably fiendish thrill he divulged a clue to his spontaneous boxing move.  "Look there. Do you see what is there on the floor?" he says while pointing to a corner of the mat just in front of his foot. 

They roused their butts off the floor and looked toward the spot where he was pointing.  There, mostly still with an occasional twitch on the mat was a knocked out mosquito, punched in the pricker by my husband to its unlikely (and undesired) end. 

[*ding, ding, ding* goes the bell....]

Shocked and amazed, the men each grow into full 32 tooth broad smiles and begin to laugh hysterically.  Even the older quiet and serious man among them, who has lived his whole life being sucked milliliter by milliliter by these annoying creatures, feels that FINALLY justice has been paid to the mosquito kind for their atrocities. The old guy lets out a great chuckle at the wriggling insect's demise and gives a few claps for my victorious boxer bou's bravery.

Congrats babes, you made the world a safer place yet again. 

Next up, try some Tai Quan Do on that spider in the corner.... HOI YA!

You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!  - Mickey from Rockey (1976)