Anyone, Anytime

Anything can happen at any time to anyone.  Read that again...

ANYTHING.... can happen at   ANYTIME... to ANYONE.

Let it sink in your mind and heart... Anyone (including you).

Today a coworker of mine called and said he would be out for the rest of day day as his wife and children were in a side impact car accident.  They were making a left turn at a green light and a car impacted them from the opposite lane.  The children were crying, everyone's backs and necks were hurting, the wife shaken and worried for her family and feeling guilty for she was behind the wheel.  Husband in shock as his family could have been no more....

The person driving the other vehicle did not stop, but rather sped away to escape the scene of the accident.  In an act of mercy and heroism, the car behind the one struck chased after the perpetrator at full speed with the intent to stop him or at least get the license plate information.  The perpetrator never stopped, but partial tag information was retrieved.  The police showed up, documented everything, and the family returned home to rest and contemplate seeking medical review.

It happened to her.  It happened to him.  It happened to his neighbor. It happened to her brother.  It happened to his uncle.  It happened to her daughter.  Things happen that harm or kill someone every day and it is only a matter of time until something... SOMETHING... will happen to you or to the ones who are dear to you.  It is absolutely unavoidable that harm will befall you at some point in your life.  In preparation for the inevitable, one should do the following:

1) Follow and ACT upon the inclinations of the heart and spirit
2) Maintain the best relations with your family and friends
3) Turn any grudges into acts of kindness
4) Ask for forgiveness from those whom you have wronged
5) Tell the ones you love that you love and are thankful for them
6) Do your best efforts always so you have no regrets
7) Be there for those in need so you are cared for when in need
8) Have your will updated yearly

The point I am trying to make is to not try to PREVENT a harm from befalling you (it will happen anyway), but to advise you to be sure you are LIVING a life that at its end you are content and pleased with how you utilized it.

My best wishes and kindest thoughts go out to the families of those who are struggling.

On no soul does God place a burden greater than it can bear. ~God


PS: I had a dream in the early morning about being in a car accident.  It was with someone I worked with. I need to heed my dreams more often...
  

Memorial Day

Should one say "Happy Memorial Day"?  'Happy' seems to be an inappropriate word intermingled with what is the American Memorial Day.  This day is a solemn one as we remember those who have died for the greater good of our country.

We have set aside the last Monday of every May to recognize the US Armed Service members who have died while on duty, at home or abroad.  We have been doing this since the American Civil War ended in 1865, when the union veterans wished to honor the Union soldiers who had died.  When World War I came about the honor was extended to honor all Americans who have fought and died while in service.

What do you do on Memorial Day as a family?  For us, we spend time together, cook out, enjoy each other and feel the freedom that we all have been given by those who have fought for it.  I have not lost a family member to a war, or in service, but my father served as a lieutenant in the Vietnam War and came home, injured, afterward (but alive though, Thank God).  I was not even a 'twinkle in the eye' of my father at that time, but if he had not come home alive, I would not be alive to tell you about this right now.

Society has also morphed this day into an excuse to show the other American sentiment of shopping.  Memorial Day, as a federal holiday, spurs store sales advertised weeks in advance and women and men plan to take an additional day off of work just to recoup from exhaustion following the frenzy.  Others have taken this opportunity to go to the beach and soak in the sun and bikini bodies as this time of year kicks off the summer fun.  The evenings then bring about parties and fireworks which light up the sky in brilliant reds, blues and golds.

I hope that, while we indulge in our rib roasts, celebratory toasts, bikini boasts, and shopping totes, we will remember that if it weren't for the men and women who were selfless enough to recognize the need for defense of this country and our freedoms (speech, religion, self expression, pursuit of happiness, etc), that we might not have had these joys today.  They put their lives on the line, and lost them, for our days to be lived with freedoms that few others can enjoy so fully. They are lost, but they are not forgotten.

Freedom is not Free

Expressions From the Soul....Graphic T Style

I love you.  I hate you.  I miss you.  I despise you. I want you....

There is an unlimited array of T-shirts out there that one can buy or custom design.  Tell the WORLD that you have a big sledge hammer... sure, go for it.  Inform every guy at the party that you don't like them, but are actually swinging for the other team, there is a shirt for that too, you betcha.

As a society we have started to wear our pains, pleasures and particulars on our chest in 60 pt font for all to see. A statement to our confidence, no doubt, but does this bearing of our souls on a 100% cotton T take away the fun of a conversational discovery?

No, it doesn't take away anything. Graphic Ts are friggin' SWEET  :) Gimme, gimme....

Sunny with a chance of Pee

Spike & Ike 2011 - Sunny with a chance of Pee - by Trista

For You OR For Them

Yawn....time to start the day.

What to wear today? There's a lot to choose from...pants, skirt, jeans, leggings, shorts...For the top.. 'Is it cool today?' nope.. short sleeves, sleeveless, tube top, tank???? How to choose?

So you pick out a tank top with a short sleeve cardigan and some jeans that make your butt look great, and some high heels with straps around the ankle.  Things to look forward to by the end of the day: Cold hands, pressure marks from the tight jeans on the hip, pain in the lower back, and 4 blisters located on various toes and ankles.

Why did you choose the collection of torture devices to wear on your body? Because you want THEM to think you look good/hot/attractive/feminine/sexy.  Women spend hours a day and thousands of dollars a year to attract men and battle other women in desirability.  What we have succeeded in by this effort is turning all women into joints/blunts. Yes, you heard me right.  We are tightly wrapped contraband that is passed around to every man in the area until we are reduced to a fraction of our original selves and tossed out as soon as we don't provide any further pleasure to men.

It has been ingrained into our ripe, innocent brains from the time we were born to be 'pretty' and that the 'no pain, no gain' route is the only way to live and succeed. Its turned out to be true too, this advice from mom and dad, that you have to be attractive to get ahead in this world... Shorter skirt = more pay. Sexy hair = powerful husband. Fit body = attractive boyfriend.  So WHERE in your decision making comes your own comfort?

Here is a second scenario... You wake up in the morning, slide on your favorite 5 year old baggy jeans and a t-shirt that you bought for $3, put your hair in a pony tail, and apply some lotion to your blemish free face (no makeup.. that's right...). DONE... Yup, that's it, simple and breathable day on its way... 'Order up'! We have these days now ladies.. when we are fending off a cold and no one is coming over to visit.  Those days we spend in our 'natural' condition of comfort and cleanliness, sighing in realization that there is no need to guard our derrière from a 'daring air' reveal.  So why don't we do this every day?

Answer: Men rule our closets because we let them.

It is in our DNA to be nurturing beings, caretakers, and mothers.  We want to see pleasant smiles on the faces of pleased men. When do men smile the most?  When they see a sexy figure.  We made ourselves 'hot' to get those smiles because unfortunately we have not demanded that they respect us for our hearts and minds wrapped comfortably inside a jump suit.

Challenge to Sisters!  I implore you to wear your size L shirts and jeans that don't show every nook and cranny of the 'grand canyon' and be comfortable for 7 days straight... only 7 days.  After your feet have healed, your face has cleared up, and you look years younger having been able sleep an extra 45 minutes per day...you will NEVER want to return to the old 'joint' that you were. Start today!

"If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself.  Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you." ~Fyodor Dostoyevski

Grieving

Grieve.  Its a hard thing to do, but we all inevitably have to go through it at least once in our lives, if not multiple times.  When you lose someone who has been in your life and added joy to it, you can feel as though your world is on 'pause' and seem to not be able to find the play button.  After all, their life has come to a full stop, so the least you may do is pause in respect or in remembrance of them.

Grief can also be felt when you lose not only a person or pet, but when you have lost hope, an opportunity, or a dream.  The more of yourself that you have put into these hopes, the more intense the grief and the longer the recovery may be from the loss. There is no standard length for the healing process to complete.  Some pass through it in a few days, and others can take years or never seem to get free from the clings of the sorrow felt in that difficult loss.  Others, who may have been so vested in the person/dream, may not be willing to face the truth of the matter and will not experience any other emotion but denial.  These can stay in a state of 'limbo' and as a result could be afflicted with physical ailments as the body attempts to balance the emotional trauma hidden within.

Typically there are five feelings experienced when one is grieving:
- Denial: "This can't be happening"
- Anger: "Why did this happen, this is not fair!"
- Bargaining: "If I do that now, can I get it back?"
- Depression: "I don't feel like doing anything, just let me sleep."
- Acceptance: "I am at peace with it now."

These feelings may occur in order, out of order, or some may not be felt at all.  If someone you care for has experienced a loss, understand that they will have their own unique journey in healing from it and your role is to simply 'be there' for them.  If they want to talk about it, listen with an open heart.  If they are silent about it, show your empathy through some basic actions like bringing warm food for dinner or by sending flowers.  Never under any circumstances should you criticize their grieving or tell them to 'get over' any feeling, as this can prolong the grieving process or be perceived as lack of sympathy.

I sincerely hope that no one reading this will have a reason to grieve in the near future. However, when you do, I wish for you to eventually have the feeling of thankfulness for the joy experienced with those whom you have lost, the ability to accept that part of the appreciation of life is in the recognition of death,  and that you may ultimately use this time to grow and become a stronger, yet humble, individual.

"To Spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness. ~Erich Fromm


(This post dedicated to Bubba...we will miss you Boo)

Random Quotes

No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap.  ~Carrie Snow


Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.  ~Eric Fromm


I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.  ~Thomas Jefferson


The one good thing about not seeing you is that I can write you letters.  ~Svetlana Alliluyeva


One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.  ~Lady Astor


Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.  ~Mac McCleary


Smile.  Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends?  Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over.  ~Walter Anderson


Age is an issue of mind over matter.  If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.  ~Mark Twain


You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have, for instance.  ~Franklin P. Jones


I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.  ~Flash Rosenberg


If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.  ~Earl Wilson


People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say.  ~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Happiness is not found in the End

Now don't think I am going to get depressing or negative on this topic, its not the case.  I want to highlight, however, the truth about happiness in the many forms in which we feel it and what we can do to obtain a constant happiness and contentment with our lives.

The majority of us are happy in one situation alone: When we get what we want.  What that thing is that we want is quite diverse though, and highly individual. A child may want a spotted pony, a boy may want a mega toy truck, a girl may want a pretty doll, a teen may want a girlfriend, a student may want perfect test results, a woman may want silky hair, and a man may want a raise.  The selfless of us may want no material thing for themselves, but rather to provide others with their needs and thus obtaining indirect material gratification through being the provider. Regardless of what we want, when that want is met it also never fails to fade as our source of happiness.

Why?  Because as human beings our desires are constant and increasing.  In our ancestors' ancient world,  needs were focused on things that we take for granted today, such as the availability of water and food, shelter from the weather, and finding a mate that is capable of producing progeny.  Their needs were met, on occasion, and thus they felt happiness until the food ran out or until that progeny overruns the clan and ousts the boss (his father)... In modern days our needs have largely progressed past focus on basic needs and grown into a desire to surpass each other in extravagance obtained via financial excess (on appearance basis at least).  We no longer need anything as the government (usually) takes care of the basics, if we cannot provide it for ourselves, leaving us with the pleasant task of setting extraordinary goals that we have deemed as necessary to achieve in order to obtain happiness.

But what if (heaven forbid) we aren't able to accomplish our goals that we were aiming for?  Should we all go find the highest bridge and conveniently forget our bungee gear? Absolutely not.  What I would advise those who are unable to reach their previously set goal is to rewrite the goal as one not achieved through obtaining an end, but through striving on the journey. AKA "You never can fail unless you don't try."

This idea is not a unique one in any form, as it is present in religious strivings as well.  In Christianity the belief is that one obtains salvation through their striving for a solid belief, rather than through their accomplishments ("Not of works, lest any man should boast"). In Islam, a believer gains the reward of a Hafiz (someone who has memorized the whole Quran) even when they have not achieved the goal but only put forth genuine effort of learning it ("...And such a person exerts himself to learn the Quran by heart, and recites it with great difficulty, will have a double reward").  I am sure there are many other examples of a similar concept.

Lastly, as you are setting your either spoken or unspoken goals to achieve your personal state of happiness, please remember that if you want for nothing, you will be happy with everything.  Do not set your value as an individual based on something tangible that most certainly is fleeting.  Your journey would be most rewarding if it is focussed on your satisfaction in the process of striving for improvement, rather than in achieving a final and finite goal.

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." ~Epicurus (Greek Philosopher)

Unwanted Petal Cut

Unwanted Petal Cut - Spike & Ike 2011 - by Trista

Boredom

So many of us leave it to someone else to 'cure' our boredom, when in actuality it is purely our own faults that we feel a lack luster in stimulation. There are literally countless and infinite things one can do in a day, even alone, so there should be no complaints about boredom, but rather lack of creativity and determination to occupy oneself.

So, what can you do? You can first take care of that crud that you have been avoiding, like cleaning your house, tending the lawn, or tending the various areas of your body covered in unsightly hair...  Next you can address the mind...What do you want to learn, what do you NEED to learn to be more successful in whatever you are trying to do?  Get that book out that you didn't finish yet and get crackin'.  If you get bored of that, then try creativity for a while.  Rearrange your furniture, make up a new play for your football buddies, paint a picture for the next Mother's Day gift, write a poem for your SigO, etc.  Literally countless things exist that you can do when you get, as you call it, 'bored'.

In a single day the average American spends 4 hours watching TV, which equates to 9 years of a 65 year old person's life.  Imagine what you can do in 9 years!!! You can get a 2nd or 3rd college degree, learn 10 languages, build 9 new houses, write gobs of books and poems, etc.  My point is, if you are 'bored' it is highly likely you are saying that phrase while in the middle of two television series of which will add little to no value to your life with the exception of giving you a new idea for the next outfit to waste half a paycheck on (remember my post on need vs. want?).  This is ultimately not going to satisfy your 'boredom' and will probably just make you even more incapable of using your creativity to improve the situation.

NUTSHELL! If you feel the inclination to say "I'm bored", just don't say the phrase and instead say "I need to get busy" and get your buttooski off the couch and get moving.  By the end of the day, if you have successfully navigated through and executed your options of activities, you will feel highly accomplished and satisfied with the 24 hours that you were lucky enough to be 'bored' living through.  Remember, so many people have to work their tail off in each moment of the day just to find food to survive, so you being bored with a tummy full of grub is a blessing that should not be wasted nor ignored.

"I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom. ~ Thomas Carlyle

$$$ Day

What's better than being given some $$$!?!?

Ya, there are many things that can happen that are better than being paid, but its pretty high up on the list, nonetheless.  Money doesn't buy me love, but it does buy me some other pretty darn good stuff though.  When that glorious day called 'pay day' comes around the corner, what do we do with the reward?  Do we go wild with the rush of new and highly spendable disposable income, or take the wise route of tucking it under the investment mattress? Let's take a look...

In 2009 the Consumer Expenditure Survey found that Americans, on average, spend their paycheck as follows:
35% Housing
16% Transportation
14% Food (Grocery/Out)
11% Insurance/Pensions
6% Health Care
5% Entertainment
3% Apparel
10% Other

http://www.creditloan.com/infographics/how-the-average-consumer-spends-their-paycheck/

This did NOT mention anything about credit card debt/payments though.  That other statistic is that most Americans have at least $7K in credit card debt that they are paying some amount of interest on as well.  If you have a revolving credit line with 15% APR, you are looking at spending at least $500 bucks a year for no return on investment, no value added benefit, but just 'wasted' money.  [Actually, its not entirely a waste, because hopefully its a lesson on how to be patient and wait to buy something when you don't have to charge it.] Anywho....

So we are looking at the majority of our paychecks going to a roof, some wheels, and a belly full of goodness.  These are fundamental requirements of living, but are we going too far in our spending within those areas?  FOOD...How many Americans are overweight? (1/3 of us.. 72 million, sadly) How do we get fat?  EAT!  Ok, so obviously we are either making the wrong choices when cruising through the grocery store or are too lazy and opting for McDonalds instead of a healthier meal at home.  How much food do you throw away also?  I bet at least a few items get tossed out each week, if not 1/3 of your fresh foods that you forgot you even had.

Transportation...Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.  We have to get to-n-fro in some way or another.  No time is left for walking anymore, as we value our extra sleep and last minute plans after a chaotic work day to go cruising the strip.  Our gasoline prices are no longer dictated by our local government any more either, but rather what someone decides to charge in the middle east.  How can we save in this area then?  I can't see no other alternative to reducing this budget besides going full on electric transportation or opting to be a 90% homebody and resorting to a good imagination.

There's no place like home.  Speaking of being a homebody, we have to pay most of our income on that roof (leaky or not) over our heads.  Plus the carpet, the air conditioning, the windows, the insulation, the furniture, the stove, the power, and lets not forget the lawn care! (sorry neighbors) That major chunk of our hard earned cash goes to protecting us from the heat and chill so we can maintain a comfortable 70* indoor garden at all times with the help of an air freshener scented with "Sparkle of Spring".

Do we need it all?  Nope.. we don't.  We need very few things, but WANT the majority of things. If you are of the intent to make the best of your paycheck, consider the following and choose wisely before emptying your wallet.

1) Income is for building your value.  If something won't add to the value of your health or worth, think twice about acquiring that item.
2) Distinguish between need and want.  If you will be caused physical pain with the absence of something, then you need it.  The rest is a want and thus the expense is debatable.
3) Use it until its falling apart before replacing.  So many times we buy something new when the old one functions just fine.  A change of decoration may be refreshing, but it may also be depleting your ability in the future to buy the things you will need.

To assure you that I am not "Ms. Stingy", I will tell you that just got my paycheck today and I will head straight to the grocery store with it (shopping list in hand), buy my needs and SOME wants, and might even spring for a shot at Starbucks.

"Waste neither time nor money, but make the best use of both.  Without industry and frugality, nothing will do and with them everything." ~Benjamin Franklin

Mood Swings

Hello everyone, welcome to the crazy park!

Women are plagued by them, men suffer through them, and children run like hell from them.  Mama with a mood swing = painful buttock waiting to happen.  HOW can women deal with themselves, why are we moody vs being simple, sound minded, and rational human beings?  (Men, your solutions and opinions are not welcome on this topic...)

On AskMen.com there is an article stating that "Just like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, women are unpredictable.  That's all there is to it."  I tend to disagree with this statement.  The times in which women are moody is predictable based on their hormone levels during their monthly cycle, this is why they call it 'monthly' and thus IS predictable. However, I will agree that what weapons we choose to launch at you during our hormone battle is unpredictable, at which point everything, even what you said 5 years ago about my cooking, is up for grabs.

Men have adapted to our swings ladies, some better than others.  They give us allowance for a few more swats at them, a few more wise cracks about their genitalia, and maybe even say "Its my fault, I'm sorry, I won't do it again" to get that swing going back in the positive direction.  Other men who have less patience and experience may just conveniently work later during those days or go on long outdoor excursions to avoid any direct interaction with you.  You see, men are built with a survival mentality that allows them to maneuver around (lie, hide, run, buy gifts for...) the beast that we become so that they can, in the aftermath weeks, get from us what they need to survive. [What that need is should be obvious.]

So, what can we do about our situation my fellow femmes?  My suggestion is to follow the STERN method.  No, not Howard Stern, but rather my unique method of coping with these issues in a way that least hurts those around you and still benefits your overall emotional well being.  Here is the method laid out...

Shut Up - When you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.  Within your moody chasm you are unaware of the true pain you can cause and, no matter how hard you try, you will say something not-so-very nice.  Thus, the best way to avoid making any bad situation linger after the 5 days of hormonal chaos is to shut your mouth and leave any 'critical communication' to the form of body language or, if necessary, put a note on his pillow.  Don't forget your please and thank you's.

Take a walk - I don't mean the kick-butt power walk here, but an 'enjoy the scenery' walk in the neighborhood or park, miles away from your target.  If you get moving and change the scenery your mind will be able to free itself from the abyssal black hole of that swing and allow you to release the anger hounds.

Exercise - It is always a good thing to do, regardless of your hormonal levels, but in this case it is critical.  During exercise your body releases endorphins that create feelings of euphoria, reduces tension and anxiety, block pain, and reduce your appetite. So precisely when you feel like crud and are bloating like a balloon, kick yourself into a 30 minute (or longer) workout and you will come out of it feeling refreshed and relaxed.

Read - Take an hour or more to simply sit out on the balcony and read your favorite book.  If you remove your attention from the thing that is irritating you, then you will no doubt calm the nerves.  Just like men (and some women) lose themselves in the television in order to forget their stresses, we can lose ourselves in a great book and gain some benefit of literary education in the process.

Nurture - Pamper, Pamper, Pamper!  Do your nails, go to the hair dresser, get a massage, take a hot bath.  Do whatever it is that helps you to feel like a 'lady' and enjoy it to the fullest.  I would suggest setting a plan to enjoy one nurturing event a day to prolong the pleasure of hormonal neutrality.

So, there you go.  To any men who might be reading this, my apologies for the crazy person we become when we (and you) are going on the crazy ride. Women, let's try the STERN method for coping with what we are stuck with.  Maybe in the end we will be able to make it through this without massive injury just in time to battle menopause...

"The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change, for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up." ~Charles Morgan

What is Prompt?

Prompt is defined in the online dictionary as follows:

prompt  (prmpt)

adj. prompt·er, prompt·est

1. Being on time; punctual.

2. Carried out or performed without delay:

tr.v. prompt·ed, prompt·ing, prompts

1. To move to act; spur; incite: A noise prompted the guard to go back and investigate.

2. To give rise to; inspire: The accident prompted a review of school safety policy.

3. To assist with a reminder; remind.

4. To assist (an actor or reciter) by providing the next words of a forgotten passage; cue.

Etc.

So the question comes: Is someone being prompt as long as they tell you within an hour, or 2 hours, or within a day of finding out some new information that would affect your behavior or actions?  If a meeting is at 1PM should you know by 9AM that day or 9AM 2 days before?  Is calling someone 'prompt' a purely individual decision based on your own punctuality standards?  Obviously, since I am writing about this, there is a conflict in the feeling of a 'prompt' action....

Without getting too much into it, and because I already received an apology followed by witnessing true regret on their face, I will just say that a meeting set for this afternoon was cancelled for which I had spent 2 days preparing for.  The decision to cancel was made before 9AM this morning and I, by accidental coincidence, found out about the cancellation by 9:20 AM. Some of you may be thinking "A few minutes later..that's not bad as far as prompt notification", but for those of you who work in a fast paced/always changing large company maybe you can feel my pain.  When something like this happens, the number of people to notify, cancelling room reservations, and breaking the news to any other persons who had been preparing (spending hours on hours creating slides and staying late into the night away from family) presentations is not a pleasant nor quick task. I tried my best to keep my irritation level less visible to my coworkers but inevitably they knew that if I was ticked.

So, back to the topic at hand.  What is prompt... my personal opinion is that a person is prompt when they meet or exceed notifying parties within or before a certain period of time... here is the equation....

Prompt Time frame: [Deadline hour - change hour] x 60 x 0.10


Example:
Meeting is at 2:00 PM
Change to the meeting occurred at 9:00 AM
Hours between change and meeting = 5
5 x 60 minutes = 300 minutes
300 x 0.10 = 30 minutes

This means that being prompt in the above situation would be notifying all parties of the change within 30 minutes of the change happening.  I think this is reasonable and lends enough time for people to adjust to the change.  The portion that is aggravating is the effort that may have gone into preparation for the event, but that part you can't change as we can't predict the future. In my situation this morning, I was 'technically' notified within the prompt time frame, however it was by accident not intention of the one who knew the change.  Thank you Ms. Lucky for that info...

To sum up... if you want to avoid ticking off the majority of people in the event of a change, please be prompt [see equation] and respect other people's need for that new information to be shared with them.

The pic above, one of my fav cartoonists, is from http://www.nataliedee.com/archives/2006/Apr/

3 Steps to Realize Someone's Character

Ever known someone for a year or longer just to discover that they are really an insensitive, uncaring, egotistical twirp?  Somehow you didn't realize it until so much time has passed and you waisted an emotional investment in someone who ended up only causing grief and maybe even costing some mula for a couple concert tickets.  So, if you want to avoid the bad investment of your time in a person with bad character, try the following techniques.

1)  Spend some good one-on-one time with the person.  I am not talking 2~3 hours only, but rather 2~3 days.  You may have to get clever with how to convince a new acquaintance to spend 2 days with you straight, but you can use the excuse of a broken water heater or something similar to see if they will invite you to stay in their guest room.  What is the point of spending that much time with them?   The reason is that a usual person is able to maintain a degree of 'normalcy' for only so long until their true self comes out.  After 24 hours has passed all the niceties fade away and you know just how far they can be pushed before they flip or before YOU flip out on their habits.  Survive the 3 days and you may be able to survive 3 years without so many issues.

2) Go on a road trip with them.  Road trips bring out lots of behaviors in people... if you are lucky, good behaviors will be shown too.  People have to get creative to keep their minds lively while driving for hours at a time, this all along with your dealings with take out food and the servers that provide it to you, facing crazy drivers on the interstate and maybe some physically draining late night driving.  Road trips can show the worst in people's impatience or show an individual's true light hearted nature.  Also, if he offers his shoulder for you to nap on, he is a keeper.

3) Loan them money.  No, no, not a lot of money, but maybe a $20 or $50 bill. Let them know for sure it is a loan and you expect to be paid back.  You can even note when you would like it to be paid back, like by the end of the week or as soon as they can.  The result is you can find out how genuinely thankful they are for a helping hand and how eager they are to settle the debt and keep things Even Stephen.  If they hold off paying you back, then they not only don't appreciate the help you gave them  but also they can't be trusted to follow through with their commitments.  If they don't pay it back ever, then see that money as well spent in the discovery of a person with bad character.

Try them out on a new friend or even an old one and see if you have made a good call at calling him/her your friend or partner.  You might very well be surprised! :)

Manginas

On 'manginas' (Man+Vagina=Mangina). 

This word popped into my head this afternoon after listening to a book about the rise of feminism in America over the last few decades.  Men are becoming more and more like women, and women are becoming more and more like men.  Women becoming like men in responsibilities and intellect, all great.  Men becoming like women HOLD UP!  Don't do it, just don't!  Women do not want men acting like women at all.  Yes we want you to understand us, our moods, our desires, our irresistible urges to buy something that sparkles; but please don't become like us in any of those areas in the process of 'understanding' us.  This will turn you into a 'mangina'! 

Here are some of the tell tale signs that you are approaching the 'mangina' status:

- You get 'hurt' when someone says you look like you gained weight

- You spend any more than 5 minutes doing your hair in the morning

- You like to go shoe shopping

- You suggest to the woman you're on a date with to split the bill

- You won't take out the trash because its 'dirty'

- You are afraid of a bug (any type)

- You cry during ANY movie

Men, please.. if you do any of the above things than consider yourselves lucky to ever have been in a relationship with a woman.  Women, if you are in a relationship with a man who does any of the above things, check to be sure he doesn't wear your lingerie while you are away from home.  Highly likely he is prancing around in it and shaking his butt in the mirror.

"Because I'm Married"

We have all been there.. some guy wants to get your attention and he makes half a fool of himself trying to show off in front of you and oddly enough you think its cute or at least moderately flattering that he is trying.  One of these odd situation happened to me today, followed by an even stranger comment.  Here is how it played out...

I was at work, in an area where I don't usually frequent but where I am still known, and a man was helping me to take some needed photos.  He was helpful, and in some ways overly helpful to enable me to get what shots I needed.  The awkward moment happened when I moved to take an angled picture of one item and he commented "Why did you move away from me to take that picture?  Is moving nearer to me so bad?"  My response: "I moved this way because I would be standing on you otherwise".  He continued, "Well, you can't do that." I ask why... his response "Because we are both married and that would be a hard one to explain you standing on me wearing that skirt."

WTF....Since when did taking a photo and avoiding standing on someone's toes turn into an invitation to flirt?!?  The response also "Because we are both married" is the same as saying that if he or I were NOT married that something would BE OK about this situation?  I brushed it off with a slight smile, eyebrow raise, and a turn away to the next photo.

Men, here is a word of advice.  If you are going to flirt with someone at work whom you know is married then first decide 1) do you want to seem desperate for attention regardless of the repercussions, and 2) do you want to look like a fool having no restraint on your tongue or hormones.  If you answer Yes to either of these, proceed and you shall have your due consequences.  If you answered No to either of these then think twice about saying whatever tacky line that is creeping to the end of your tongue and instead keep your mouth shut.  A smile is sufficient, thanks.

Sprinkler Taking Aim

Sprinkler Taking Aim - Spike & Ike - by Trista

Getting Your Zzzzz's

What do you do every single day and never get tired of doing?  Sleep.


Everything alive requires some sort of sleep or resting period in order to function properly.  How much sleep is required each day for each of us varies with age and with activity levels, but there are some standards for just how much 'shut eye' we are advised to get to prolong our lives and make the best of our conscious hours.


Why should we care about how much sleep we get?  W.Christopher Winter, M.D., a board-certified sleep-medicine specialist and medical director of the Sleep Medicine Center at Martha Jefferson Hospital in Charlottesville, Virginia, says that if your sleep cycles are lacking, that "Changes in blood pressure, heart rate, hormones, glucose metabolism, temperature regulation, and appetite can be seen quite quickly. The sleepless individual could get catabolism—that is, an increased metabolic rate and protein breakdown—and susceptibility to disease from a weakened immune system." [Yikes...] 


What he and many other medical professionals in the field of sleep say people who sleep between 6.5 and 7.5 hours a night live the longest. Is more better?  NO.  Surprisingly, those who sleep 8 hours or more don't live as long! (Keep that in mind oh  you 2PM wakers...) And if you get less than 6 hours you won't live as long either.  There is just as much risk associated with sleeping too long as sleeping too short and if you sleep longer than 8.5 hours its worse than sleeping less than 5!! 


Wow, am I glad that I get on average about 6.5 hours of sleep a night... just enough to make the best out of my waking hours and enough to live long. So what's up with always being told that at least 8 hours of sleep per night is ideal??? Where did these people get their facts from! I feel so robbed of time, I want a do over!


Ok, so enough of my raving.  There is also a sleep method called 'Uberman' or something that says the most ideal sleep and conscious functioning comes from having 6 20-minute naps per day every 4 hours.  The results of those who participate are so varied though that I would not bank on this method.  I flash back to the movie 'The Machinist' where Trevor Reznik (played by Christian Bale) is the perfect example of what you would morph into as a member of the waking dead on Uberman. Plus this doesn't work well for the majority of us who have a professional life and have a family to manage.


I am going to stick to whatever my body asks for.  Now, if my body is asking for more awake time to be tickled with thoughts or otherwise, bet your boot that I am not going to sleep instead!  I think of my balance of sleep and wake time as a negotiation with a sleep bank....you take a loan of 2 hours one day, then pay back that 2 hours later on in the week.  Six hours a day (42 a week) can easily be balanced by Monday morning.  The nutshell of my point here is sleep well whenever you do sleep, hopefully with your SigO next to you, but also take advantage of the daylight while you can.


The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. ~Charles Caleb Colton

It ain't nothin' but a baby thang!

Cute, right!  I know...so cute.  I am so in a baby mood since hearing that my best friend Layla had her first baby (its a girl) a couple days ago.  Little Kalista is ADORABLE and she has a great mamma too.

Were any of you scared when you had your first baby?  Layla said that she was nervous as all get out about the cost of a child and wants to do the 'simple' and 'cheap' way in raising her.  I bet if Kalista understood what that meant, she would be making the face on this little baby in the picture... What can you opt for to be cheap when raising a baby, is it possible, is it safe, is it practical?

The first thing most people think of when they think of baby expenses is the diapers.  They eat, they poop, they sleep, they pee, they cry, they toot.  For every 1 thing they do, they give you a #2 to go along with it :).  So maybe the cheap way to raise a baby is to use cloth diapers instead of the disposable ones.  Sounds great right, saving some money, but then you have to take into consideration the washing of the poopy diapers, the expense of the plastic pants to put over the cloth diapers, the extra cleaning supplies to wipe off furniture that got the spoils of the diaper put on wrong.  Does this add up to being cheaper than disposable dipeys?   Plus, what's the cost of the stinky work of you having to scrub some poop out of a piece of cloth?  I would say priceless, but I am a much more practical person to say such things...its about $0.23. :) Long run, yes, the cloth diapers are cheaper, but you need to be good with your safety pins, have plastic wrap on all your furniture, and restock your wardrobe with the latest in polyester/fake leather gear.

Ok, so the other major expenses that you probably don't need are the toys for newborns (they don't open their eyes much), the countless outfits that they will grow out of in 3 months, and all the decorations for a bed that she/he will try to escape from as soon as the biceps are built up.  You can probably do with about 2 toys for the first year and keep them occupied with the normal things in the house or outside on walks.  The outfits ... I would say 7 sets which are washed for every 6 months works too, otherwise wrap them in a blanket and call it a day.  The decorations.. go for long term and opt for the convertible crib/day/twin creation and the decor can be minimal with the exception of maybe some cute colored paint on the wall.  She won't remember what color or decoration choice you made when she is 5, so don't worry so much about it.

So, its possible.  Is it safe?  I would say so because the less toys and crud around the kids the less chance they have of hurting themselves on the stuff!  Have the necessities there and keep the rest clean.  This way you can enjoy baby in his/her pure form, work on the 1-on-1 bond, and when she knows how to say in words "buy that", then you can consider expansion.

Is it practical?  Yes, as long as you can withstand the comments from other Mamma's like "You don't have a Gucci diaper bag!  You are denying your baby's needs!" or "You know its absolutely a necessity to have 3 types of walkers, a swing, 2 play pens and bassinet to occupy your little darling".  When you hear these ridiculous comments try responding with, "I could do that, but I prefer to save for their college education." No one can argue with you after that one as we all know the prices of tuition are sky rocketing...

So, go cheap, go simple, and they won't remember a thing before the age of 5.  Good tip: For every 1 toy in, take 1 toy out.  Holidays can be a time of giving your belongings to charity as the new ones inevitably come in the door.  Some people aren't as blessed as you are, so spread the love!

Go the Distance

You are swamped with your work, trying to meet an impossible deadline, when the phone rings.  "Ya, what  now." is the nicest thing that you can utter to the caller in addition to a sigh signaling your level of impatience.  The voice on the other end of the line lightly asks, "Is there any way you could spare a few minutes to help me with a situation I can't seem to get myself out of?"

Before biting the poor soul's head off for disrupting your work, put yourself in their shoes for a moment.  They are in the depths of a world of stress, confusion, panic and fear of failure....and who did they call?  YOU.  This should tell you 1 of 2 things... either your reputation has spread as one who has true skill OR you're the sucker who everyone knows will take on their extra work (a.k.a. office peon).  In hopes that you are the first of the two persons mentioned, your response to the call should be "Ya, I have 5 minutes to help, I'll be right there."

Why help?  Here is why...

1) If you know what information is needed then you will not only be helping that person, but you will be helping in your company's success and speeding up your own opportunities for advancement.  Believe it or not, executives ARE watching to see who is a team player in their organization and to whom their team members go to in crisis.  In most cases, this will result in a bigger paycheck for you and more opportunities down the line in developing your skill set.

2) When you do something for others, you will personally feel fulfilled if you have done it with true selfless intention.  I have never known someone to do a good deed and not feel some joy from doing that deed.  In addition and in most cases, those whom you have helped will be eager to help you when you need a hand in the future.

3) If you are religious minded, you can know that for those who do good for others, there is reward from that 'higher power' to a much greater degree than that measly bit of help you did for your fellow man. Just like when you invest $1 in a mutual fund, you get a return of value more than you invested.  In terms of good deeds, if you invest 5 minutes of time in helping another person (or animal) then you could earn 5,000 years in the pleasure palace of heaven (or whatever palace you prefer).  Pretty good return on investment, isn't it?

IN SUMMARY....If someone asks for your help, or you see them in need of it, then spare that 5/10 minutes of your hectic life to invest in your future.  You will, at the very least, feel good about your efforts and at most get an eventual raise at work or a reservation in the heavenly abode.

One does evil enough when one does nothing good.  ~German Proverb

Keep it Clean

Dust, germs, bugs, and messes have been in existence since the dawn of creation.  Its a never ending battle to keep uncleanliness at bay in our homes, yards, and communities.. a battle that we have spent millions (if not billions) of dollars doing.  Think about it, how many times do you wash your hands in a day to get them clean, vacuum your house, wipe the kitchen counter, tidy up your room?  This is all the effort to maintain a 'civilized' environment.

Personally, I get a thrill from cleaning up my home and seeing the 'before and after' of the effort.  It may sound crazy, but after I vacuum I like to just lay down on the carpet and feel its softness before a cat comes by and dispenses half of its body hair on that exact spot. The house smells better, feels better on the bare feet, and it energizes me to want to do some good ol' organization of closets or cabinets.  I have reorganized the structure of my closets at least 10 times in the last 2 years and I feel another one coming around the corner.  There is always a better way than now!!

Sharing the responsibilities of cleaning is where it gets really dirty though...the agreement.  I am 'lucky' now that I am the only person here to clean the house, so I know and can control the regularity and quality of the process.  But what happens when your significant other comes into the picture?  Not only should they share some of the responsibility of cleaning, but also there is the issue of knowing that they may be dirtying up the place more so than you do. Have any of you said "Honey, if i knew you were this messy, I would have reconsidered marrying you" ?  or at least thought it.... A good suggestion to those having that thought, is to sit down with him/her and see which chores they least mind doing and then assign ownership to them.  If both parties don't like a particular task, then take turns doing it and stick with what you agree.  When kids come into the picture, be sure they get their fair share of the work also.  On the quality aspect of the job, refer back to a previous post on trying harder than the previous day...

On a final note, its a good idea to gauge the cleanliness of your mate before taking the plunge into living together or into marriage.  You might have to be covert in your discovery of the true habits they have, which would require a surprise visit to their place, or a look under the seat of the car, to find what craziness might be lurking.  If you both are on the same page and have the same level of desire for the state of cleanliness in your home, things will be much more peaceful day to day when you live together.  If you aren't on the same page, then save up some money to spend on a cleaning lady...or rethink your relationship options.

The Phantom Touch

I am inclined to believe that it is not just one's brain that has a memory, but that other areas of your body can remember and voluntarily relive sensations as well. I say this because why otherwise do I still feel the 'Phantom Touch' of a hand placed at my waist as if his is there right now?  I am not actively trying to remember the feeling, have no intention to relive it, but the sensation remains.

Is there something in your body, your skin, that voluntarily remembers and relives sensual contact, and if so, why does it linger after some people's touch and not for others?

I recall an article that stated that your brain will record events in your long term memory that are either life threatening, shocking, or physically stressful. The scientists conducted a test to see if a person would better remember information if they were first told it while their hand was submerged in icy water. A control group was told the same information, but had their hands submerged in luke warm water.  In the end, the group that had their hands in icy water retained the information for far longer than the control group did.  This can certainly be understood as a survival mechanism (Self: fire = bad, don't forget), but how interesting is it that this long term memory could also applied to a pleasurable and emotionally linked event. Could a light touch from your loved one can be as important to survival and thus be stored just as long as something life threatening?

If any of you have ever been away from your loved ones for a long time, a spouse or significant other, maybe you will know what I am referring to.  Six months ago she touched your thigh, 4 days ago he held your waist, a year ago she ran her fingers across your neck, yesterday he kissed your hand.... and yet now you get the shivers as your skin itself chooses to relive the sensations.  The emotional uprising that that person excited out of you may linger on your skin for days, weeks, even years in your skin's 'memory'.  Alternatively, say a man bumps into you on the busy subway... you would just brush it off and may not even remember the feeling by the time you get to the office. Thus, I choose to apply the rationale that one will not store in memory a sensation derived from a person with no strong emotional value.  You will forget the sensation of the subway man's jolt, but retain your lover's hair gracing your fingertips.

I haven't done any true 'tests' to prove this hypothesis, but I can testify from personal experience that I can still feel the 'Phantom Touch' of those whom I care for as if they are touching me right now. Why the feeling comes and goes at seemingly its own 'will', I don't know. Maybe for me its a way of surviving the separation from them (survival mechanism?), or maybe its just my imagination gone wild, but either way it gives me a smile on my face and warmth in my heart to feel it.

Can you feel anyone's Phantom Touch?

Dedication vs Obligation

I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.  ~Abraham Lincoln

We all have our days where we can't seem to dig up enough 'care' to do anything right, much less do it well. But keep trying we must, to maintain and improve our work, our relationships, and efforts toward our goals (whatever they may be). A recent decision, made by the company I work for, to not compensate workers for their days off duty (power out = can't operate) has got employees in a uproar about their belief that the company is 'obligated' to pay them anyway.  Is it really this company's obligation to pay them, or would it be just a way for the company to buy the employee's increased dedication?  Let's analyze dedication vs obligation....

Start with a simple area, like relationships. :)

Say you get married to some woman and promise to love, cherish, blah blah blah on the alter to the Almighty. You are, with that step, promising to do the basics in a relationship, to meet your OBLIGATION to them. You will give them companionship, intimacy, provide emotional and possibly even some financial support. Is that enough for the relationship to thrive?  In most cases, no.  What you have to do to keep a relationship going for the long haul is to show your DEDICATION to your partner by going above and beyond those obligatory acts.  From the guy's role, he might plan some vacations, give surprise gifts 'just because', buy her mother's birthday card before the wifey reminds of the date of her birthday, etc.  On the gal's side she could not buy a few outfits and instead upgrade his outdoor grill, get a new piece of lingerie to surprise him when he returns from a work trip, or hand detail/wash his car before he wakes up so he can have a pristine ride in to the job.  These are all those extra things that would show your DEDICATION to the relationship and, I promise you, will result in your partner being supremely happy and never wanting to leave (baring a major screw up on your part).

Now to the work arena.  What a company is obligated to do for its workers is (major points only):

1) Provide them with pay for work completed based on the rate agreed at hire
2) Provide a safe working environment that, if safety rules are followed, would not result in bodily harm
3) Provide breaks based on the number of hours for that shift
4) Send you your W2s when taxes are due

These are the absolute basic obligations from an employer.  If they do anything more than that for you, then they are giving it to you with the hopes that you will, in return, give your dedication to the company (or until they don't need your services anymore).  Some of the things they may do to gain your dedication:

1) Pay you a bonus
2) Increase your annual salary
3) Give you vacation days,paid sick days, paid holidays
4) Provide medical/dental/optical insurance coverage
5) Negotiate discounts from local service providers
6) Give you options for stock/bonds/401K buy in
7) Access to onsite drink/snack/supply machines

These are just a few of the items companies could give, but there are countless items or services that could be offered.  The more the company offers, the more dedicated an employee should be to providing the greatest effort in their duties.  In the end, it should be a win-win situation for both entities due to the company avoiding having to train a newbie, the employee feeling appreciated and building their own financial stability, and shared knowledge and experience for what works in business from both ends of the employment relationship.

To sum it up, whether you are working with a supervisor or a spouse, keep in mind that as long as they are providing you with what they are OBLIGATED to give you, you should not complain about not getting anything in addition to that. If you get anything extra over and beyond that which they are obligated to provide to you through the course of the relationship/employment, then appreciate it (gosh darn it) and make sure you return the favor by DEDICATING yourself to them.  They will, most likely, return the favor again and the reward cycle continues.  Even better, you could give your dedication to them before they give anything extra to you. (Its called being a good person...)

Good rule to Success:  Try harder today than yesterday 

Blended Days

Ever been off work for 5 days, stayed at home for at least half of the days, followed by the loss of a sense of time?  This is happening to me now...

Since the power went off last Wednesday and is still off at my workplace today (Tuesday), I have not been required to go to work.  This means that I am going on day 6 of being 'free' of distinct time obligations of any kind.  What to do with so much freedom?  

One, is that you get to know your neighbors lives probably a bit more than they wish you did.  I now know the guy on the second floor, 3rd apartment, is trying to forget his ex by visiting as many girls in town as he can or is enabled to.  The other guy on the second floor, 1st apartment, is a retired marine and drinks about 10 cans of beer a day and says the same amount of curse words as he did when he was in the Marine core.  His buddy, who works at the chicken processing plant comes over and they do 'man gossip' for hours and hours of the day. The couple on the third floor, 2nd apartment fight about anything and everything and their kid has to witness it all and surely will be mentally damaged by it by the time she grows up.  The woman in that relationship is really close to the ex of the guy who is a man slut that I mentioned earlier, too.  The women in the building are much more protective of their business as they stay inside much more (good choice ladies) and only come out to go get their hair 'did' at the parlor as they come out with their hair covered with a rag and come back shaped up.  

So is this what people do when they are off work for such a long time?  Be nosy with the neighbors lives and only find out what the day of the week is when they hear it mentioned in one of their conversations?   Now before you all think I am Ms. Nosy I only overheard these conversations because I like to keep my back door open and screen shut to get fresh air inside and also read on the balcony.  I can't help but overhear their conversations even if I pretend to be reading when they are talking.  If the ears had an 'off ' button I would press it.

This makes me think of the days when I would be home to take care of any children I might have.  I would be working on them, raising them, teaching them what they need to know...but I would obviously have to do a better job about keeping up with my days and adding structure of my own to make a clear division of time and add back that management of efforts that my job so clearly provides now.  

Its raining, I am caught up on housework, posted this article... what's next....

When it Rains, it Pours

The phrase "When it rains, it pours" is so true.  This last week has been quite an event to take in and deal with.  Here's how it went...

1) Continued 'Grandpa watch' for whether he was willing to keep fighting to live even though he was exhausted with life.  It took an understated threat of going to the county nursing home for him to want to eat and work on moving better.  Mom came home for a break in the care taking and was crying in exhaustion.  People, don't be so domineering over your children.

2) My husband came one step closer to joining me.  He is overseas and a few things have to happen for him to be able to come home to me here.  One step just completed and so we have 2 steps left.  We are very excited about it though, and it is making daydream about our future again (much to the hesitancy of my husband).

3) A bunch of tornados hit my area here and killed over 300 people.  It took out whole towns and left almost the whole northern half of the state without power.  Having no power leaves you to figure out what to do with what you have.  Candles become heaters for water.  Old magazines become firewood, bottles are used for all sorts of things, and dusk is when you actually go to sleep rather than stay up all night.  I think I'll miss it a little actually, life without power, but am still glad to be able to see the toilet without a flickering wick next to it.

4) Osama is now dead.  This was a big surprise and, like most people, we want it proved rather than just believing it.  I see it as a good thing that justice has come, but I fear of the ignorance of others coming back to do more harm.  I hope they don't release any photos, that's just inappropriate.

Lots to think about, lots to do.  So I am going to go do it now.  Toodles!